Fat Rabbit

Good riddance, 2011.

2012-01-11T02:15:00.004+08:00

2011 was like 3 years for me. So you can say I feel a lot older than last year.

Basically, every 4 months felt like a year.

I left Cons in April. So, I'm now an ExCon, a term we coined for everyone who has left the company. Why I leave, I saw no point in staying. I wasn't ecstatic about what I did the past year. To hang on so long, to me, is quite an achievement. After a few months, I learnt my CD left too. And so did my copywriters and an Art Director. I hope they have moved on to better things :)

Oh, before leaving, I did join OCBC Cycle and it was a horrifying experience: many riders fell, esp the pros, I'm just glad neither me nor my friends were one of them. It was a lot more easier to pace yourself though as wheezing by is a lot quieter than running by. I also clocked 7 mins ahead of my goal or 1h 53mins. But, never again, unless it's free :P Anybody wants to buy a second-hand helmet?

During the next 4 months, I took a very long break. I took up a Lay Counselling Programme with Touch Community Services. It takes place once a week and kept me on my toes. My family conducted a huge purge for my Aunt, the one who helped raised me, followed by a mini-renovation: repainting the kitchen, hall, bathroom and her bedroom. Dad got the most credit for taking down the old cabinets, the very ones he built in the 1970s. Mum also got my Aunt some new shelves among other things. To this day, she is very grateful and deserves everything we had done for her. I also took up diving, thanks to V's spotaneity, well all of VEST really, esp Lala who tagged along for the experience and became the unofficial photographer :P Kudos to her for trying snorkelling again.

In late August, I started a new job. It's not rocket science but it was not as easy or straightforward as I thought it would be. Challenge accepted, nevertheless. Still doing the best while I still can. Pity about the writing, I thought I could do more writing.

And now reviewing my 2011 new year resolutions...

Habits

1. Stop terrorising Sayang, my watchcat. - not really :P

2. Consume less MSG. - yes.

3. Weight check: 56kg. BMI: 22.7. Delete TV shows after watching once/twice. - yes.

4. No shopping until GSS, except workout-gear. - yeah, right.

Goals

5. Pass BTT (Basic Theory Test). - didnt even go for a single test; complete failure.

6. Do all 3 passions: design, write and photography. - I did but I'm just too shy to publish them. Not fantastic in my opinion.

7. Get my own DSLR: possibly Dad's Nikon D7000. - yes, used it only a couple of times as it was just too precious lugging it around overseas.

8. Get multi-gear bicycle, like ASAP. - oh yeah and it's gorgeous!

Travel

9. Another mission trip. - the logistics didn't go according to plan, so it was scrapped.

10. Kyoto and Himeji Castle, Japan. - nope.

11. Eastern Europe with family. - nope.

12. Travel with JAWs, hopefully UK. - nope.

Bedroom

13. New Curtains. - I can't believe even this was so hard. It cost S$156 at IKEA for the fabric I want! Way ex.

14. Remove or reorganise White Shelves. Less Clutter. - I think I did. I can't remember.

15. Cut out and compile magazine covers and articles into folders. - halfway through.

2011 was not awesome. There were awesome bits, but it would have became a lot better if I was not so stubborn. I mean, I'm blogging at 1.30am.

Writing my new ones; I really have no idea. I'm checking out counselling in Changi Prison next week. I have only met two people who have went to jail, well, at least they shared a bit about it with me. But if I go through with that, it will eat up 52 days of my leave. Not exactly making me the ideal employee. It's times like these you wish you run your own business.

But in retrospective, I do find myself more vocal than ever before. I cursed in front of my parents, yes, even the F-fucking-word. I shoot back sarcastic retorts with, well, sarcastic retorts. I just received an invite to a friend's wedding and am considering not attending, cos I dun like his other half. I see this pattern and I dun like it. It's like my mind is finding ways to venture out like it didn't have an outlet for quite some time.

In short, I'm unhappy.

And I need to change myself to be happy again. To like myself. So maybe I should write my resolutions in that manner.

1. Ignore sarcastic remarks with 3-second silence.
And to not kill it with kindness, cos it might just sound even more sarcastic.
2. Diving - one trip.
Or two, if $ allows it.
3. More gigs.
I just bought tickets to Death Cab For Cutie!
4. Cook for my parents at least once a month.
Technically my culinary commitments for CNY is one :P
5. New Curtains by Good Friday.
Buying cloth and sewing by hand, if I must!
6. No new jackets.
No more new clothes till GSS, except from H&M :P A new black nylon bag, dare I wish.
7. Jog a weekday; Cycle every weekend.
Weight check: 54kg. Height: Still short.
8. One local photography trip a month.
9. Sketch once a week, and I dun mean my OCD ones.
10. New iPhone by March.
11. Meet up with JAWS once a month.
12. Meet up with Sistas whenever we can.
13. Meet up with all other swell pals at least once every 2 months, except Ms Coocoomber :(

In an exercise, I find myself spending too much effort and energy at my job, compared to the more important priorities like family and friends. Just the other day, I met up with someone as close as a sister, and found out something really sad had happened and felt extremely guilty and sorry that I wasn't really there for her as I went about my busyness. That's the greatest disease of the digital age, busyness. It had been 4 months since I had last saw her or given her the odd 15-min phonecall. That should never ever happen again, nor to any two women who are as close as sisters.

I pray that you meet your friends more often, treat your enemies with respect (they are human beings, too) and when you are in dire need of help at the worst possible time, may your heart be filled with hope as you turn to God and your prayers answered.

The Big 30 Blowout!

2011-09-25T08:07:00.001+08:00

So it's my 30th Birthday! My bestie and I planned a theme party! And it's Britpop! We planned more than a month ahead, scouring hotels and serviced apartments in online portals, finally finding one in a central location, phew!

Then it was time to set up the Facebook event! "Geri Spice" did the artwork and came up with the title: The Big 30 Blowout! The original was a very Britpop NME Cover of Damon Albarn VS Liam Gallagher; I was Liam G, haha! Complete with sunglasses, foul sign language and flash from the paparazzi (see left pic)! It's a very small photo so I didn't QC the picture like crazy, hence the choppy hair :P

Then the copy, which "Geri Spice" wrote the first draft, then I added tons more and we both edited again:

"Oei!! Ye pals and minions of A** and J**. If you have received this FB invitation, you know you have been invited to their shizz hot facetime, The Big 30 Blowout!

So, heads up! These brill babes are not pulling each other's hair out, just showing their two fingers to coming of age. Simply, bollocks to that! You can expect a star-studded cast alongside this bun fight when you all come in your best British-inspired frocks as well.

You can be (anyone in) Blur, Oasis, Radiohead, Garbage, Suede, Pulp, Kula Shaker, Republica, Sleeper, Elastica, Tom Jones, David Bowie, Elton John, George Michael, PJ Harvey, The Beatles, The Smiths, The Clash, The Sex Pistols, The Hurts, Duffy, Adele, Lily Allen, Jessie J, La Roux, Amy Winehouse, Joss Stone, Boy George, Placebo, Muse, Ellie Goulding, Texas, Franz Ferdinand...oh well, Scotland's the limit!

So it's time to bite your arm off and PARTEH!"

Somehow, my friends, project managers and a lawyer, are not good with reading creative briefs, and arrived as City Person #13, #26, #39 and #52. Only "Shirley Manson" didn't have to down the penalty.

The penalty is an Earl Grey tea cocktail I insisted on having, despite "Geri Spice" now known as "Lily Allen" objections in the beginning, because I forgot to buy the tea bags and honey. Luckily, I managed to grab them while collecting my cupcakes.

My cupcakes were another disaster! They no longer carry my favourite Mango and Blueberry flavours! So I settled with Raspberry and Blackcurrant. Looking pink and purple, they matchy match my Blondie outfit and tasted pretty good too :P And everyone finished it!

I also made salad and potato salad for vvegetarian Shru. The potato salad was too salty at first. But after chilling, it was just nice! Last minute, we added chicken winglets to the menu. I am so grateful to the oven for how well they turned out. There were stubborn blobs of unmelted butter mixed with all the herbs; I added a small blob on each winglet like it was on purpose! Haha!

"Lily Allen", made Aglio Olio, Shepherd's Pie (without mushrooms, just for me!) and cocktail bangers. The naming part was hilarious! She wrote them on unionjack tent cards!

Shepherd's Pie was Limited Edition, because she only made one tray! Haha! And it was so so scrumptious; I had at least two servings!

Cocktail Bangers was Bang Holiday or named after Blur's Bank Holiday! Because of the lyric, "...sausages and chicken!" which we love how Damon sings it!

Aglio Olio was Every Mee Every You, after Placebo's Every You Every Me.

The Eary Grey tea cocktail was called Attack of the Grey Lantern, after Mansun's debut album of the same name, much to Cow's delight! I fell in love with them since Wide Open Space.

The salad and potato salad was collectively called Parklife, after Blur's 3rd album :P

And the chicken winglets, Smack My Bitch Up, by The Prodigy! I smacked at least 4 times! Haha!

"Lily Allen" is the best lah. In addition to the flagliners, she made this giant cardboard magazine cover of The Face, so we can pose in front of it! On the left is the original. And we're ever so grateful to "Sporty Spice" who along with "Robbie Williams" did so so so much for us; she carried the A1 poster from the printers to the room, in a cab!

And then there's "the British Guard" who suggested the balloons, took care of the games, it was so funny. Vicki Pollard, of Little Britain, made an appearance!!! Which Tootsie will now have "fond memories" of her!!! Haha!!!

An hour before the guests arrive, "Grandma" helped us buy the balloons: 24 red, white and blue!!!

After we ate, drank, munched, took tons of polaroids and photos, it was time to cut the cake. Coupled with the Song2 high, vodka high and so many people I love were in the room, my eyes got a little teary when they sang us Happy Birthday.

To end the night, we bundled off to Zouk! Shru lost her balloons when she missed a step...and they flew away into the night. Moguai was playing that night, and he played parts of Prodigy's Breathe and Smack My Bitch Up! Awesome!

And that's a brief account of my 30th Birthday celebration!

First day at "school"

2011-08-25T01:22:00.005+08:00

Found an old draft I wrote back in 25 Aug 2011...Things are so different now.

---

This morning, I started work as Corporate Relations at a local corporate firm.

It really felt like the first day of school. Not exactly Hogwarts, but close. While I do not hv a battle scar on my forehead, I am a lot like Harry Potter. A little awkward, a little inadequate, no matter how good I am at what I do. I think it takes time for me to open up and get the energy moving around.

And this school has a lot of people. More than a hundred. I do feel like I am from a different planet but that is because I am, but I want similar things they do: a stable career, work-life balance, a husband, our own place and some kids we can raise to teach the world to love.

As I go about orientation camp, the more I feel the person I'm replacing has done a fantastic job. He found something better to do. Maybe it's his turn to grow out of his comfort zone.

I dunno if I can play the role he played so well. I know it's only been my first day and I haven't even met my immediate supervisor who will only be back tomorrow. It's probably in my nature to do my best, and many times, people tell me I overthink stuff. I can only blame it on my zodiac sign which I know is a lame excuse.

Anyway, I hope I am in the swing of things soon: to be the link that links everyone, to be the cheerleader in the most constipated days, to say Good Morning in my reworked-creative-outfit-for-work look with a smile. It just feels so difficult when you probably dun have the choice to frown. So I hope I dun have anything to frown about, ever! Then I'll be genuine and I feel I can do this. And I will do it.

---

I always wanted to be a...

2011-06-30T15:10:00.002+08:00

Spammed my Tweeps today with 3 consecutive tweets. I must be crazy, haha! And all thanks to a Trending Topic!

Ok lah, let me delete them and blog about it instead, heehee! Here's the way more than 140-character tweet:
#ialwayswantedtobea architect (5), hairstylist (8), photographer (8), fashion designer (10), journalist (15), script writer (16), graphic designer (16), photojournalist (17), darkroom photo developer (18), mother (22), wife n mother (24), web designer (24), animator (27), writer (28), counsellor (29).

The number in brackets represent the age I was when I had that idea. These ambitions dun always go away but stay in the background and manifest at the back of my mind...muahahahahaaaa!!!

#ialwayswantedtobea Architect (5)
I made doll-houses out of tissue-boxes. I can't remember when it started or how. But by the time I was 5, it was something I liked to do on my own, and I was getting pretty good with the scissors.

#ialwayswantedtobea Hairstylist (8)
This was official. It was a school assignment and we even have to dress up for it. I had a funky shirt that tied in front. It had a matching red skirt which was my favourite colour at the time. I thought I looked like a hairstylist and decided to play the part. I'm glad I did as 75% of the entire Primary 2 cohort were boringly-dressed teachers.

#ialwayswantedtobea Photographer (8)
The year we visited New Zealand for the very first time. And Dad handed me a disposable Kodak camera! I remember I was fascinated with the Black Swan. Dad liked the shots I took :)

#ialwayswantedtobea Fashion Designer (10)
Mum gave me my first and only Barbie doll when I was 9. I started sewing clothes for her, so I doodled before making. Then the doodling took over, they became sketches. There were plenty of dresses, lots and lots of it. Then on to jackets, trousers, etc. This carried on until I was about 12.

#ialwayswantedtobea Journalist (15)
Classes changed when you're Sec 3. A combo of ambition and not fantastic results landed me in a unique class. The only Literature class, the second of only two 8-subject Pure Science class (which means we're the second smartest class), the COOLEST class, the only class where half the class were from the same class, the noisiest class. And our form-teacher as well as English teacher, Miss Tok, was even more unique. She was radical and unconventional. There were so many new ideas, new thinking. Report-writing was fun. Literature was fun in all the wrong ways. My classmates were awesome! I got to know the Malay culture. I actually liked Chinese lessons, thanks to Mdm Tan Lee Cheng, who was also Chinese HOD. My world grew four-fold. I wanted to get out there. Then Miss Tok left :( after just one year. We were all very sad.

#ialwayswantedtobea Script Writer (16)
This was from a back-board project. A committee was set up I think to "decorate" it. My classmate, James, designated that career to me. He thinks I make a good Script Writer because I was very good in composition. And my partner-in-crime was the A-Maths Genius, Salahuddin who was the "Director". That I dun understand.

#ialwayswantedtobea Graphic Designer (16)
I was getting really good in Art for the very first time in Sec 2. My sketching was so good that my (stupid) Art teacher wrote a comment: "If this is your work, it is good." NNBCCB! Anyway, I continued sketching on my desk, textbooks, foolscap paper. After 'O' Levels results came out, I didn't make it to VJC, I was 2-3 points short with zero contacts and rubbish CCA points. Sick of this academic ratrace bollocks, I wanted to be rid of exams and ran off to the nearest Art School with my sketches.

#ialwayswantedtobea Photojournalist (17)
So I'm in Art School now. The place looks nice, my dad's a photographer, and it's govt-aided so I guess it was a very safe choice...not. Anyway, I picked up black and white photography voluntarily for a Design Fundamentals project. I fell in love with it whole-heartedly.

#ialwayswantedtobea Darkroom Photo Developer (18)
This was my second year when we were officially taught Darkroom Techniques. And I was one of the better ones :P I realised the darkness, the cold, the one-dimensional pungent smell of Developer and the methodical routine of the Darkroom process made me focus very well. I've promised myself I'll come back to this when I retire.

#ialwayswantedtobea Mother (22)
It was the honeymoon period of a proper relationship and I suddenly thought of baby names, during a random conversation. My niece was also about 1 year old at the time.

#ialwayswantedtobea Wife and Mother (24)
So I travelled half the world over to meet the then-bf's sister and we talked about our future together in detail. The relationship didn't work out.

#ialwayswantedtobea Web Designer (24)
I finally feel secure at a job and believe I can do something like it in the long run without getting bored. Everyday I did research, I met clients, I talked, I shared, I listened.

#ialwayswantedtobea Animator (27)
At a new job and I was tasked to animate. And I can animate. And it's fun. And apparently, even management are impressed by it. My colleagues talk about it. One screened it in front of the entire company. I was embarrassed yet proud at the same time.

#ialwayswantedtobea Writer (28)
Work was so stressed, I have to watch TV everyday before I can fall asleep. So I watched too much. I even feel I cannot keep pace with the web world and wanted something simpler and more close to the heart. I started blogging more and writing more, surfing more, expressing ideas.

#ialwayswantedtobea Counsellor (29)
After watching Intervention among other real-life documentaries, I begin to see the Family is the foundation of Humanity. And without a happy family, many kids cannot function as adults and seek unhealthy ways out. So I wanted to be part of this solution.

And now I'm on a one-year Lay Counselling course. It's non-academic but it's a start. Meanwhile, let's make use of what I already have. These aspirations are still with me and I'm a sum of them, they come in forms of interests, conversations, books and experiences. Many dreams are better than none at all.

Of Trains and Demolition

2011-06-30T13:13:00.000+08:00

I had a couple of memorable dreams this morning. I only slept at 4am and woke up at 8.30am so I tweeted right away, before I forget. I can't remember which came first or if one is a continuation of the other.

There was a real beautiful train. It was brand-new, huge, white interior with fuchsia plastic seats. A handful of ex-colleagues (who are still working there), including my ex-MD, and I were at the end. Me and Frouhaha were standing and chatting, the rest were seated. Then I walked in the same direction the train was moving and sat down, there was a huge square window opposite. No ads, no seats were there. I sat facing it, right in the middle, watching the buildings go by. The landscape looked industrial, similar to Keppel Road.

In the same/other dream, I was somewhere in the Grange Road area with probably the same ex-colleagues. Opposite the road, two old, crumbly, colonial off-white buildings were being demolished. They must have looked really beautiful in their hey-day. The first one, about 5-storeys tall, came down in a pile of bone-dry dust. The second was next to it, standing at 7-storeys tall. Suddenly, three foreign workers with safety helmets, fell off from the 5th storey! On impact though, they bounced off the ground and landed on their feet. Appearing unhurt, they looked and smiled at me.

I think that's when I realised I was dreaming and woke up.

Because I can recall alot of details in this dream, I decided to do an interpretation search on DreamMoods.com, here are some relevant points:

White represents purity, perfection, peace, innocence, dignity, cleanliness, awareness, and new beginnings. You may be experiencing a reawakening or have a fresh outlook on life. Alternatively, white refers to a clean, blank slate. Or it may refer to a cover-up.

To see a train in your dream, represents conformity. You are just going along with what everyone else is doing. Alternatively, a train means that you are very methodical. You need to lay things out specifically and do things in an orderly and sequential manner. If you see a passenger train, then it relates to mental work. To dream that you are on a train, symbolizes your life's journey. It suggests that you are on the right track in life and headed in the right direction. Alternatively, the dream means that you have a tendency to worry needlessly over a situation that will work out in the end.

The color fuchsia represents mediation and your connection to your spirituality. You are letting go of old attitudes and welcoming a new change. This color is also associated with emotional stability.

To see a square in your dream, signifies strength, solidity and stability. Alternatively, a square indicates that you are limited in expressing yourself. Consider the pun on "being too square". Perhaps you are being too conventional, unhip or dull. To see a square in your dream may also mean that you are "back to square one". You need to start over and go back to the beginning.

To see a window in your dream, signifies bright hopes, vast possibilities and insight. To dream that you are looking out the window, signifies your outlook on life, your consciousness and your point of view. It also refers to your intuition and awareness. You may be reflecting on a decision. Or you need to go out into the larger world and experience life.

To see a building in ruins or damaged, indicates that your approach toward a situation or relationship is all wrong. You need to change. Your own self-image may have suffered and taken some blow.

To dream that a building collapses, indicates that you are losing sight of your ambitions and goals. Your pursuit for material gains is failing.

To dream that you or someone fall off a building, suggests that you are descending into the realm of unconscious. You are learning about and acknowledging aspects of your unconscious. Alternatively, it symbolizes your fear of not being able to complete or succeeding in a task.

To dream of a demolition, suggests that you are undergoing major changes in your life. You may feel out of control. Alternatively, to watch a demolition in your dream, indicates a final end to some situation or relationship.

Three signifies life, vitality, inner strength, completion, imagination, creativity, energy, self-exploration and experience. Three stands for a trilogy, as in the past, present, and future or father, mother, and child or body, mind, and soul, etc. Dream of the number three may be telling you that the third time is the charm.

To dream that you or others are smiling, means that you are pleased with your achievements and approve of the decisions you have made. You will be rewarded for the good things you have done for others. Alternatively, a smile indicates that you are in search of something or someone that will make you happy.

Grange Road, to me, represents the atas life. And construction workers, to me, represents manual labour. So...

I'm moving forward mentally, away from my previous job which I left on good terms. I need to start from square one. And most likely, my new job is still in town, but a bit out of my scope, something different :)

My approach to work, as much as I tried to perfect it, was wrong and needed to change. I was losing sight of my motivation and aspirations. At this point, I should go into the unknown, learn about stuff that I dunno about myself, despite my fear of failure. Because I'm not the one falling, I can separate myself from my work. It would be a major change. My work might take a dive, but I will bounce back, not regretting my decision. And I will be rewarded because this new job will make me happy.

Wow. Makes sense to me. Or am I just self-serving?! Heehee!

I may have Asperger's Syndrome

2011-06-30T00:46:00.002+08:00

I know for a fact that there's something wrong with me at a very young age. There were instances in my childhood. I dunno if it's physical abuse, molestation, trauma of losing a loved one or a combination of all three or more factors. But compared to my classmates and childhood friends, I was definitely the more troubled, angry, clumsy and mischievous child. And these are not temporary, they are consistent.

And my sister calls me a weirdo. I remember there was a time, she started collecting stamps and phonecards. I, on the other hand, collected bus tickets and punch-hole circles.

When I was a teenager, my baby cousin (mother's nephew) was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (AS), the symptoms I recalled sounded like me as a child. The cause? "The most recent research indicates that there are most likely a common group of genes whose variations or deletions make an individual vulnerable to developing AS. This combination of genetic variations or deletions will determine the severity and symptoms for each individual with AS."

Of course, I thought it crazy and dismissed the idea. But as years go by and I learn about other disorders, most recently from the telly, I realise my mum has a problem. It's somewhere between or both OCD and ADHD. My dad and sis agree with me, but out of respect, we dun talk about it. Anyway, we've learnt to live with it.

Well, back to me. Human Stories started showing a documentary about Autism, including AS. So I started thinking about it again and surfed about it. From About.com: The Cambridge Lifespan Asperger Syndrome Service(CLASS), an organization in the United Kingdom that works with adults with Asperger's has developed a simple ten question checklist to help with a preliminary self-diagnosis. If you agree to some or most of these statements, you may decide to find out more.

I find social situations confusing.
Yes. Esp meeting new people. Interviews can give me panick attacks.

I find it hard to make small talk.
Yes. I have since memorised a list of topics and questions.

I did not enjoy imaginative story-writing at school.
Yes at first. But I think TV helped, alot.

I am good at picking up details and facts.
Yes. I could recite John 3:16 at a 3-day "vocational school" camp; 20 yrs later, when my sis was talking about that incident, I recited it again; we were both shocked!

I find it hard to work out what other people are thinking and feeling.
Yes. For one, I found it extremely difficult to console sad/angry people. I learned how by putting myself in their shoes, what I would wanna hear if I was them.

I can focus on certain things for very long periods.
Yes. TV, online surfing, animation...but not work. Animation is not work, lol!

People often say I was rude even when this was not intended.
Yes. I always put it down to the Virgo/Rooster combo though.

I have unusually strong, narrow interests.
Yes. I would go to Kinokuniya just to look at Small Spaces books!

I do certain things in an inflexible, repetitive way.
Maybe. I still walk without stepping on lines, unconsciously until I'm halfway thru the mall.

I have always had difficulty making friends.
Maybe when I was young, until about Sec 3.

This is a high-functioning disorder, meaning you can still function highly on a normal scale. So I'm not terribly worried. I dun wish to be diagnosed properly, afraid I might set boundaries to my abilities. But if there's something I have difficulty doing, at least I might understand why and learn other techniques to overcome it :)

Now let me just get through the interviews for my next job. Oh God, help.

Singapore Elections 2011

2011-05-12T04:14:00.000+08:00

A bit overdue. I just wanna consolidate my thoughts, tracking the events that led to my first vote for a better Singapore.

---

I'm a Singaporean citizen living in Singapore. My constituency this election is Marine Parade GRC. I know it's headed by SM Goh and have my doubts about his capabilities since his wife's peanuts comment during the NKF saga some years ago.

When the new candidates were announced, I heard from my aunt about a video circulating on the internet about one of them, she described it along the lines of this Ah Lian replying a reporter's question with "I dunno what to say" and stomping her feet at the same time. After checking out that video, I literally dunno what to say. Then I saw that photo of Kate Spade, which I was actually ok with it since I love Kate Spade too and it was a very natural, personal image that wasn't meant to be shown to the public. What I didn't like are her official pictures with two buttons off. The hat and big loop earrings were also uncalled for, in the video. I was even more appalled when I read she has SM Goh's full support and her husband works under PM Lee! What was SM Goh thinking?!

So I decided to check out the Opposition. I didn't get to vote in the previous election as it was a walkover. I admit I only remember SPP, Singapore Democratic Alliance/Party and Workers' Party. So the National Solidarity Party was a very new idea to me. Their new candidate was very young I thought, at only 24 years old, but she looked very professional in her official candidate picture. I first read an interview and was quite impressed. However answers can be edited post-interview. Then I found her FB fan page. There were only 2,000 likes at that time! Now it has surpassed the 100,000 mark! Subsequently, I checked out the videos on her feed as well as The Online Citizen. I understand their strategy there and then and really felt represented by this rather mature, driven individual.

I also found out that Tanjong Pagar GRC was a walkover as Opposition submitted the papers 35 seconds too late. OMG! Only in Singapore, really! But frankly, I think it's a blessing in disguise, who can win THE founding father of modern Singapore, MM Lee?!

By 3rd May, my mind was set and I started spreading the word to show my support. I first told my mum who was fearful of the PAP. I quote her: "If you vote for Opposition, PAP will remember. If you have problems in future, they will make things difficult for you." Then I told her that that TPL my Aunt, her sister, was talking about, is in PAP side for Marine Parade GRC.. A look of disgust came over her face! HAHAHA! It was so hilarious!

My sis shared my sentiments. She was more cheesed off that she was no longer in Joo Chiat SMC. I also picked up more and more discontent from new media than ever before. It felt like we could talk about politics without fearing the mata (slang for local police force) knocking on our door. By this time, Dad, who was still pro-PAP, said I've been marked by the PAP.

The following day, he received many anti-PAP emails sent by his peers. He shared with me that the ministers had 8 months bonus in 2010. Wait...EIGHT MONTHS?! I was in disbelief and flew to my laptop, Googled it...it's true! OMG! My only comfort is Dad has decided to consider voting for the Opposition.

Later that day, Nicole Seah posted on FB, requesting for volunteers on Polling Day. As I was unemployed and extremely free, I decided to help. Dad says I've been marked anyway, so why not get myself registered, LOL! I was also hoping to meet Nicole Seah in person or get a free NSP t-shirt, heehee!

The next day, on Cooling Off day, word spread that TPL flouted some election rules on FB and PAP were playing dirty, distributing pamphlets that had sensational accusations but there was no time for Opposition to respond.

After classes, I made my way to NSP HQ in a Jalan Besar shophouse. It was half the size I imagined. It didn't help that the response was overwhelming and I was lugging two bags of stuff as I was meeting a friend for dinner later! And it's amazing how Singaporeans volunteer but dun bother to bring their own pens. Sigh.

After I filled in some forms, someone called my name, it was my ex-boss from my Internship! How cool is that!! I also met many other creative people, some even had musical instruments with them! There were youths as young as 18. There were aunties, uncles, and even a few grandpas and grandmas. I also spotted a preggie!

As the queue snailed, someone mentioned there were no ink stamps. It was really poorly organised! But can't blame them also, cos they have less volunteers, less finances and still had day jobs to attend to.

What seemed like 20 minutes later, someone annouced they haz ink stamps. So, I met the very capable and friendly Jeanette Chong who signed and stamped my papers. I'd vote for her too if I was under Mountbatten SMC!

On Polling Day, I wore orange like I said I would on Nicole Seah's FB page. As it was a very hot afternoon, I didn't have to queue and cast my vote pretty quickly. Then I walked home and returned later to represent NSP as a counting agent, in the same orange top :P

To keep to my Oath of Secrecy, I shall not divulge any details about the counting. Most importantly, I have to make sure rejected votes are properly rejected. I also made a new friend who was living in my neighbourhood! Heehee! Was pretty glad I bought snacks as she didn't have any lunch.

Then I went home, had a good shower and plomp myself on the sofa beside Mum and Dad, listening to Yam Ah Mee's astonishingly monotonous announcements of the results of the most exciting election I've ever witnessed!

You can view the results here.

I'm sad that Opposition lost Marine Parade GRC (NSP), Mountbatten SMC (NSP), Joo Chiat SMC (WP), Tampines GRC (NSP) and East Coast GRC (WP). I thought we have great chances in these wards. But they were not exactly landslide losses either, so we achieved something.

I also find it weird that PAP won 60% of voters but hold 93% of Parliament seats as pointed out by Temasek Review. If we divide just votes alone: PAP should be getting 52 seats, instead of 81, WP should have 11 seats, NSP 10 seats and so on.

Just hope Singaporeans dun regret their decision and that we can work better together to preserve our unique culture and improve the quality of our lives. Majulah Singapura!!!

Phobias

2011-05-12T02:44:00.000+08:00

Today I watched Human Stories talking about Phobias. I think everyone has the right to be afraid of something. But some phobias are very serious, developing into anxiety disorders, for instance, Agoraphobia: "An anxiety disorder defined as a morbid fear of wide open spaces, crowds, or uncontrolled social conditions." Many people in America are literally unable to leave their homes for various reasons.

I have a fear of crowds, Ochlophobia. For example, I didn't attend any rallies during the recent SG elections. I was also not looking forward to sweating and standing for 3 hours, alone. But I think I would be fine, if I have 3 friends with me, like at Zoukout! And those were friends of my friends.

I have a fear of falling, Bathophobia, which is different from a fear of heights Acrophobia. This was most apparent when taking on the trapeze last year. After I climbed 4 storeys, I stood on a shaky, narrow board with nothing in front of me. I didn't wanna go on but the professionals refuse to let me climb down; I was close to tears. I clung on to the bar, toes on the board while one of them held my harness. Those were the scariest 15 seconds of my life! When he finally let go, I did like the sliding down bit but my arms were too drained by my phobia and I had to let go. Getting down from the netting was even worse, I had to somersault while holding onto the underside of this same netting! By this time, I couldn't take it and started crying. I literally crouched there for a good 5 minutes. When I finally made it back to Earth, I sat on the bench, unable to comprehend my phobia.

Thinking back, I'm fine on chairlifts and air-gondolas. I'm also ok standing on a balcony at great heights. Maybe it was the shaky structure, with nothing much to hold onto. I attribute this phobia to having had one too many nightmares of plunging lifts. And another nasty fall when I was 13 and suffered a head concussion.

I'm not really claustrophobic. I feel extremely uncomfortable getting squashed by strangers on trains and in elevators, but I'm ok if I know these people. I can sit in a small box on my own and I'll be fine, which I did in poly, to hide from the security guard, hehehe!

I have a fear of some insects, especially cockroaches and beetles, which is pretty normal. This is because these two have unpredictable flying patterns and are most often, not afraid of you.

On the contrary, I'm ok with rats, lizards, snakes, frogs, toads, rabbits, cats and dogs. I'm ok with public speaking and I laugh off embarrassments easily. I'm not afraid of the water.

I hate weird food and spiders, but I'm not afraid of them. I dun like going near kittens as they have not learnt how to retract their claws. Birds too, they have sharp claws and they might shit on you, ew!

So, do you think I need help?

10 Principles for an everyday diet

2011-04-14T15:26:00.002+08:00

Another programme I caught recently is The A-List Diet with Celebrity Food Doctor, Ian Marber, on Discovery Home & Health.

The two episodes I caught were both women. After 10 weeks, the first one lost a stone or 6.35kg, and went from 44% to 43% body fat. The other who was just 21 years old, lost 5kg and went from 39% to 37% body fat. They were most happy when out shopping and realised they had lost a dress size or two :)

The A-List Diet consists of 2 parts. The first is a 7-Day Detox that will also help to shrink the size of your stomach: "it consists of a lot of soups, and does away with simple carbs, stimulants (caffeine and alcohol) and saturated fats.

Afterwhich, if you can survive without tea and/or coffee, you follow the 10 Principles:

1. Eat protein along with complex carbs.
2. Stay hydrated - 6 to 8 glass of water
3. Eat a wide variety of food
4. Eat little, often or a small meal every 3 hours.
5. Eat breakfast - I can't stress how important this is!
6. Avoid sugar
7. Exercise - 3 x 30mins workout every week.
8. Follow the 80/20 rule - a small treat (like 2 squares of dark chocolate) for every 5th meal is ok :P
9. Make time for eating - dun rush!
10. Eat fat to lose fat - that's healthy fat from olive oils, omega-3 (aka fat fish) and nuts.

Ok, now go lose some of that bulge!

Why so big the HDB mortgage?

2011-04-12T03:32:00.004+08:00

I've been watching Clean Sweep on Discovery Home & Health religiously. It's a one-hour show, but because a lot of it is chatter, I forward parts to focus on how they clear (or purge) their clutter, how they accumulate the clutter and what organisation solutions the Clean Sweep team comes up with. Oh btw, the carpenter is hot, in a handy-man sorta way.

The participants are average Americans who live on smaller sub-urban plots of 1,500 to 2,500sqft. houses. Only 2 rooms are tackled in 2 days. One of them had a basement study, half the size of my bedroom.

I try to watch such programmes with my parents, my dad's a hoarder and my mum's a clean freak, minimalist enthusiast who used to have really gaudy taste. Dad has since managed to curb his hoarding tendencies, limited to 2 isolated areas: the storeroom and the telephone coffee table in the living room. I managed to stop Mum from using fake flowers as decoration; they remind me of a columbarium. She also took my advice to use clear plastic on our dining table instead of some flowery/fruity opaque plastic sheet, so we can now appreciate the redwood texture.

Despite the educational and entertaining value of this programme, I get saddened knowing that I can never afford houses like these in Singapore. I mean I'm being realistic here, not that I'm not ambitious. I explained to my mum, even the minimum 3-room (2 bedrooms + 1 hall) HDB flat in "suburban" areas, such as AMK, Bedok and Clementi costs between S$285,000 and S$315,000.

If you know me well enough, you know I dun like debts. And for 1 person, 750-850sqft is a lot of wasted space. But in Singapore, we have policies that dictate you can only buy a minimum 3-room flat. The studio and 2-room (1 bedroom + 1 hall) are only for rental purposes, a form of welfare housing. But in New York, I was extremely green with envy when I watched on Youtube how a woman paid US$700 a month for a 90sqft apartment near Central Park! You can read the original article here.

So given how HDB prices are approaching S$370psf, I can only afford S$50,000 right now. That would get me 135sqft which I can still fit in a mahjong table and 4 chairs. However, we dun have that luxury, not even in private property. Even if I could, that means buying a small piece of land and rebuilding or demolishing part of the house. That would definitely go beyond S$50,000. And mum iz sadface as she listens intently to me for those few minutes.

Here's a somewhat related video of Jay Shafer, of Tumbleweed Houses, on The Politics of Tiny Houses:

We are doomed unless there's a freeing of the market to build smaller, more efficient spaces for less.

I'm officially an ExCon

2011-04-11T21:50:00.000+08:00

I have left Convertium: 24 March 2008 - 7 April 2011.

I had to leave behind my computer; we shared so many great moments together. I had to leave behind my office wall; hope you can inspire my replacement.

I miss the view from the balcony. Many times, when you look up, you can see stars and I see God smiling right back at me.

I miss the people. I miss the silly and funny MSN emoticons and when we use them in the most appropriate times. I miss the OT-dinners. I miss the OT with the people I love to work with. I miss the flying rubber Heineken bottles, even though they hurt and I have bad marksmanship.

I miss rearranging people's desks. I miss chasing and pulling off a particular beanie. I miss the mid-morning, lunch-time and afternoon coffee runs. I miss the Sweet Potato Ball adventures. I miss the food in Maxwell. I miss my favourite coffee stall.

I promise I'll come back to visit :')

Feeling Atas

2011-03-20T18:32:00.001+08:00

I'm totally having withdrawal symptoms from not spending money or eating awesome food. Home-cooked food is good, but it's not the orgasmic kind, therefore not awesome.

Yesterday, had the usual wild rice for lunch. For dinner, however, I made Zaru Cha Soba aka cold noodles. It didn't go well with the Chinese food but I have no complaints, heehee! Dad said the black pepper beef had a funky taste though, he would know, he ate beef before I was born, haha!!

This morning, I had a feeling I will get out of control with my spending, so I made instant noodles for brunch. By the way, don't try Koka Spicy Black Pepper unless you really love black pepper. Giving it to my maid.

My first stop was Marks & Spencer :D There were a couple of checkered tops I love, didn't dare to try them on. I almost bought a $99 pyjama bottom though, it's so so soft and was in My Little Pony colours!! Just match it with the white cotton top, $39 for 2; 2nd one is a black version. Oh and I saw many cute bras, argh!!! Then I walked to the bath section, 2nd shower gel at 50% off! Oh the grapefruit is nice! But I have at least a full bottle and 2 soaps, so I didn't buy :(

Next, the food section. Any 2 packs of biscuits for S$6. Blueberry and Oat cookies are on sale again, but I still have a pack at home. After getting my 3 cans of soup, I went to the counter without checking out the potato chips. God knows I can't resist them, haha!

I had this urge to stop at Cotton On, cuz I was wearing my worn black sandals. There was a really snug pair of 3-inch platforms. For S$29.95 however, I don't think it was worth it. I tried on some flats but it was showing too much of my ugly feet :( Before I left, I saw 2 tops I like. One was polkadot and the other was broken notepad lines. We all know I have too many white tops, kekeke! Then I walked away, with my money still in my ATM :P

At Cold Storage, I wanted to get two (or three) Chorizo Sausages but decided to just binge on a jumbo beef sausage (S$1.80), right there, right then. It was orgasmic. Happy in sodium land, I started my way home, but it was raining :(

To Giant then, slightly cheaper than Cold Storage. If you think the former was crowded, the latter is not for you. There were so many people, some were impulse buying broccoli, it was going for S$2.55 for three, a lady picked about ten pieces and counting; no, no bruised broccoli for my bunnies. The capsicums were in a bad shape too. The price for Shanghai Green went up, a pack of 3 stalks for S$1.55, but they were perfect! *Grab!* The celery costs the same and looked and smelt very fresh! *Grab!* I also got some potatoes, Holland was going cheap at S$1.25 for 7-8 small ones. I got Mozzarella Light cheese, too.

So tonight's dinner is home-made potato chips with Cajun and Cheese Omelette with Dill; thank you Master Foods!

Finally making my way home, I walked towards daylight, and saw New Zealand Natural! Yes, I want one! I wanted to try a different flavour, so tasted my usual Boysenberry and new Kiwi... and it's just love at first taste; Boysenberry forever baby! Love love love!

So for all my atasness, I only spent
S$10 (approx; lost receipt) on Marks & Spencer soups,
S$1.80 on jumbo beef sausage,
S$9.95 at Giant and
S$4.20 for New Zealand Natural Ice-cream
= S$25.95 only!

I could have easily spent S$150.00 or more, but I didn't! So proud of myself; *aaaahahahahahahaha!!!*

My Egg Trailer

2011-03-16T02:29:00.000+08:00

I've always wanted to live in an egg-shaped house or a mushroom one. This is designed to be a trailer, to fit a parking lot. After drawing just the floorplan based on my sketches, I wanted to show Dad. But he replied "1 o'clock already lah! Go and sleep!" *sob!* Made me miss my Ah Kong...he never really understood everything I did/said, but he always gave me his attention when I needed it.

Anyway, here it is: 1900 by 4000mm. In comparison, the Mitsubishi Grandis 2.0 DI-D Range is 1795mm by 4755mm. I realise to maximise floor space, the shape of the base should be more like a bullet. The height of my egg house varies from 1350mm to 1800mm. In comparison, I'm 1.56m tall. So you can only see the egg shape from the side-view. This is drawn to scale as possible; the doors are about 600mm in width and the futon area is about the size of a single bed, 900mm by 1900mm.

As you can see, the kitchenette is separated. To access it, you open the back door, much like a boot. The door when open, also acts as a roof for shade. I'm not sure where to put the showerhead in the bathroom, but that isn't important. The drainage is at the corner, which I would think is the deepest part of the floor. There is also a sliding window (not drawn) from the futon area to the kitchenette cabinets; easy to put back the dishes after washing them, heehee! In the day, the futon is kept, so that's also my living, dining and working area.

Of course this is all just an idea, but i'd really like to build a miniature model of this, just for fun. To actually build and be able to live in it would be a dream come true! Of course that means I have to design a water tank and mount it on top, add solar panels and learn to live with a composting toilet.

If it's permanent, that's a different design altogether! It can be twice this size so I can have an attic, accessed by a cute little staircase! I can hook it up to water mains and the sewage system, but would still keep the solar panels :)

Ok time to heed my Dad's advice and K.O. Night night!

For Richer or Poorer, Life Goes On.

2011-03-14T02:09:00.000+08:00

I read recently that 20% of the richest people in America holds 85% of the country's wealth: "Americans are horribly misinformed about who has money http://su.pr/2Ys6yO". And in Singapore, in 2007/8, "60 per cent of Singapore households earn less than national average http://bit.ly/75YmCM".

Last week, mum and I made major financial decisions. It has left me really broke. I only have less than $500 spending money until my next pay. It's gonna be a long March.

So I have to draft up budget plans...yet again. Anyway, it is the season of Lent, the season to be extra closer to God. So I'm gonna focus on frugality.

1. No feasting/partying unless it calls for it with friends :)
2. No gambling except Mahjong with friends :)
3. No new clothes/accessories, still. I have kept that resolution well.
4. No new Clarins products; I have enough anyway.
5. No more hairsalon-quality hair colour.
6. I can still indulge in Marks & Spencer; soups only. God knows I love it.
7. No travelling beyond S.E.A.
8. No air-conditioning if I can.
9. All the above until September 2011.

The Season of Lent ends on Good Friday or Easter Sunday; around there lah. If I can keep this up till then, it shouldn't be a problem to September. I have more bills to pay at the end of the year.

So, friends, if you see me spending, remind me I'm flat broke. I'm just glad I already paid my Dad for the Biochannel package. And I can still indulge in nailpolish; just bought "rusty gold" for S$2. I dun consider it an accessory, like makeup. Wish me luck!

Inspired and Demoralised

2011-02-26T16:32:00.002+08:00

Went to a design conference last Saturday called Design Boundaries. There are a total of 6 speakers. I took down some notes during the sessions. I dun usually go for such talks, but what caught my attention was the Labyrinth logos.

1. Yang Yeo - a Singaporean in Shanghai.

His presentation made me miss doing ATL. He did the Adidas Campaign for Beijing Olympics 2008 which is awesome. For that year, Adidas, for the first time, took over Nike in China. The environmental campaign he presented was quite cool too. He engaged an artist who did traditional Chinese paintings with images of pollution. You only see the pollution on a closer look; from far, it looks like a beautiful rural landscape.

In medal count for local Chinese brand, Anta, each of their 5536 store-windows becomes news feed for the public. With each medal won by China, they change the T-shirt with numbers on them. This campaign created a lot of media buzz at no extra cost of buying media. Now that's...really cool! The final tally at 51 medals was then printed for purchase. In Bruce Lee for Nokia, they created viral videos with "previously unreleased" footage of him playing pingpong with nunchucks.

Now Yang Yeo doesn't speak good Chinese. But he felt it is good to put yourself in an uncomfortable environment.

2. Outofstock - Singapore, Buenos Aires and Barcelona partnership.

Four people met in a competition in Stockholm. Despite cultural differences, they clicked. They use a lot of Skype. At this session, one was in Barcelona, 4am, while another was on holiday in Buenos Aires, 12am, talking to us via Skype. They mainly design furniture: Blackforest Table, Naked Chair, Biscuit stool for Hatched which they design the space as well. In Bella Pasta, there were plate lamps.

They like details and they like making things. And because they are constantly on the lookout for materials and craftsmen, it's great to have resources across the globe with this partnership. For example, in a lamp they presented, it was made by a glassmaker in Germany, a carpenter in Buenos Aires and assembled in Milan.

This was the moment I felt inspired and demoralised. Although it sounds easy, it's not. The Blackforest table design took 3 years to perfect. Eventually, this design and a few others was taken up by a reputable manufacturer and retailer. So you can literally buy their design off the shelf.

Do check out their website: www.outofstockdesign.com/

3. Danna Ojeda - an NTU professor from Amsterdam.

I got bored within 5 minutes and went to look for my colleagues.

Lefty was upstairs and WP was MIA. So, the two of us had lunch at 15 Minutes Cafe. After a while, Wee Peng called us and came to meet us. After lunch, we looked through some books Basheer displayed, and I bought one: Never Use White Type on a Black Background (And 50 other Ridiculous Design Rules). My favourite is no doubt, the last rule but I haven't been practising it lately.

4. Steve Lawler - www.kult.com.sg

We were a bit late, so missed his intro. He curated a series of books, defining and illustrating the words: Trust, Artificial, AIDS, Fortune and the latest, Fear which I have a copy :) In the website above, it presents interactive concepts to provoke thinking in bite-size portions for people to grasp.

5. FARM - local company, www.FARM.sg

This is by far the most Singaporean of the group. He claimed, "Joyful creativity is essential in our lives." He proceeded to define FARM.
Fun: Do stuff we enjoy doing. Try to capture the spirit of out projects.
Architecture: The experience of a space. Everything around adds up.
Rojak: Engage the design community
Mothership: Groom up & coming designers.

I was quite bored by his stuff except for one office interior which was based on guns.

6. Chung Yew Kee - a Singaporean in the Netherlands

"I Love Dutch Design" for 20 years and counting. Bold. Conceptual. Artistic. Ironic. Experience Design where the design is an experience in a "mind-twist" cafe concept, Nieuw Wonderland. To sell this concept, they staged a one-off lunch for potential investors.

There are six mingling booths at the cocktail lounge, including an opera singer. A quote from Alice in Wonderland, stencil-written in powder, so you can mess it up to illustrate memory fades. A memory corner houses different smells to illustrate how smells evoke memories. The theatre was funny. Holes were cut in a massive cloth so the guests heads pop up. This same cloth is pinned to the ceiling to show interesting slides from a projector. Food was served next: Bread in cups, Soup from a kettle and Garlic dipped in chocolate among others. The waiter serves you from a hole in the centre of the table, haha! I also liked that there are dried leaves everywhere. In the Breathing room, the space is decorated with flowers and more dried leaves on the floor. Then a Rabbit doing a timeline. And lastly, a graphic wishing fountain to cast wishes.

The Q&A with the afternoon speakers was interesting. I even got to ask a question, if they have any pet peeves or particular likes and dislikes. Steve says pet peeves are actually important to tell you what works and what doesn't. I can't rem the other 2 answers but i guess it didnt leave much of an impression. But Yew Kee struck me as the kinda person who truly believes in what he's doing and goes after it whole-heartedly. And any problem that erupts can be overcome by perserverance and adaptation. I take my hat off him.

We left the conference. Checked out the gallery in LaSalle; i like Downtown and the chopping board lamps. Then we went to check out some crystals, haha! Damn random lah! I bought a pink one to put at my window. WP says it helps to meet people; no harm trying, right? Anyway, it's pretty! It looks like there's a castle on top of a staircase. When they cleansed the crystal, I was a bit freaked out. They place my crystal in a large glass bowl ornament, then vibrate the glass by rolling a metal pounder-looking thingy around the rim.

We then went to have Vietnamese noodles for dinner, heehee!

Little Islands of Peace

2011-02-13T04:24:00.000+08:00

Spotted this news article about Russia's tussle with Japan over a group of islands. It traces all the way back to WWII!

I was kinda pissed mad. The last thing I want Japan to do is more whaling. And Russia has so much land! Have they seen the size of Singapore?! We're not talking about precious resources like arable land, minerals or fishing grounds; Singapore dun have enough space to build houses!

Which brings to mind why must every island be claimed?! Can't we just have islands of peace where nations can forget their nationalities and share spaces like human beings? I mean can't UN or some global body establish some sort of peace convention where they agree that selected groups of islands belong to the world, especially the ones that are in dispute. Call it Little Islands of Peace.

Singapore had a fallout with Malaysia over Pedra Branca. And what do they do? They split them up. The former getting the main island, while the latter gets some rocks! Jesus says, "Anyone who has two tunics must share with the one who has none." So clearly, even though Russia has taken possession of the islands in WWII, Japan is a lot smaller in land mass. They should give way. Or let the islands be part of the Little Islands of Peace. Of course, anyone who chooses to live on or visit the island must obey established laws of these countries nearby, who will take turns to patrol the surrounding area.

Then these countries can put this matter behind them and concentrate on other pressing issues like creating jobs and getting kids off the streets and into schools.

If only.

100 Thing Challenge

2011-01-25T17:25:00.000+08:00

If you've known me a long time, you will know that I've only ever been 49% happy with my room. As time would have it, a lot of things in my room dun make sense anymore but I keep out of sentimental reasons, like my spoilt Sony Discman which I only managed to let go because I've convinced myself it's cheaper to buy a new one.

I came upon the 100 Thing Challenge probably via an FB friend or Inhabitat. So for starters, I decided to keep an inventory of my wardrobe, cos i dunno where the rest of everything is. I started getting breathless after a while. I didn't really focus just there and went on to other items. But here's what I have.

(Warning: Long Post)

4 Caps
3 Shawls
2 Scarfs
5 belts

5 Tunics, 1 Padiala, 1 Beige Leggings, 1 scarf
- all from India 2009

60+ tops
- including 15 tunics

3 Dresses
13 jackets
- 1 winter
- 3 black, 1 is a wind-breaker
- 2 sheer, 1 blue and 1 black
- 1 grey and black stripes
- 2 micro-fleece, 1 blue and white, 1 red and blue "Mark Zuckerberg"
- 1 light grey soft-touch cotton
- 1 khaki green
- 1 brown
- 1 denim
1 halterkini
1 bikini

1 pair of black shorts
2 skirts
5 sarong skirts
7 pairs of leggings
- 2 grey
- 4 black
- 1 patterned purple and black
1 pair of jeggings
10 pairs of denim
- 2 3-quarters
- 3 skinnies
- 3 bootlegs
- 1 straight
- 1 loose-fit
6 other trousers/3-quarters

2 sets of 300TC sheets
3 other blankies
3 bunny towels (old towels for bathing bunnies)
4 bath towels
5 face towels

14 pairs of socks
4 pairs of stockings
13 pairs of shoes
- 1 pair of running shoes
- 1 pair of ballet flats
- 1 pair of high heels
- 3 pairs of toe-grip sandals
- 5 pairs of sneakers
- 1 pair of boots
- 1 pair of bedroom slippers

44 Bags
- 4 totes
- 1 pouch bag
- 1 napsack
- 4 wristlets
- 4 shoulder slings
- 4 slings
- 1 gym/overnight bag
- 1 luggage bag
- 13 misc shopping/art bags
- 5 purses
- 6 makeup purses

8 bottles of Perfume
- 6 Eau de Toilette
- 2 Eau de Parfum
13 miniature bottles of Perfume

9 bottles of Nail Polish
- 2 red
- 3 black
- 1 midnight blue
- 2 pink
- 1 lilac

I wanted to count my skincare and makeup too, but on second thought, I find them pretty modest, so I shall spare you the details. My modest workout gear and sleepwear were not counted as well.

Through this exercise, I realise I have too much stuff or that I dun use them enough. I mean 44 bags?! I use the same bag, same 2 purses and switch between 2 shopping bags on a daily basis. Some of them, I haven't use them at all, like this BodyShop free gift, a tote made of rattan and just looks so pretty; it's more for display. I also need to stop buying black nail polish, haha!

I've actually trimmed down the number of jackets, I used to have 15. I also used to have more shawls which I've given some to my sis and Aunt.

If you noticed, I didn't include my lingerie in the list, because I did a count last year and yes, it was way too much. I have not bought any since, except for a sports bra :P

Now I'm finding 5 tops to retire to sleepwear or to be given away. It's so hard.

If you believe in God, you believe in the devil's existence.

2011-01-14T20:19:00.000+08:00

It was an angst-ridden tweet. As my dearest country, Singapore, gets overcrowded, public corridors in the MRT stations get smaller and smaller. I dun wanna talk about the immigration cos God knows we all need to survive. But it's the new platform screen doors I really dislike.

It feels amazing just standing there on the platform waiting for the train. My commute when using the train is like this. 0-20 mins waiting for the feeder followed by 5-8 mins on the feeder. When you alight, you have to walk the equivalent of 1 block, including 3 levels of escalators to reach the platform. So when I reach the plaform, in those few minutes waiting for the train, I feel like I got my soul back. Most of the time, it's the wind or in my opinion, the Holy Spirit. So now you know why i hate the screen doors.

Father Moore: Demons exist whether you believe in them or not.

Oh and about the title of this post. The screen doors were up for safety reasons, but primarily bcos more and more people are attempting/committing suicide on our train tracks. As if taking your own life is not selfish enough, you have to drag the whole community down with you. So i thank Satan for receiving a spot for them in Hell.

It never really occured to me that if you believe in God, you believe in the devil until I caught the movie, The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Despite the lawyer's rather agnostic beliefs, she was disturbed at 3am almost every night, or the direct opposite of 3pm, the hour Jesus died. To Catholics and most Christians, this is a holy hour. For those who recite the Divine Mercy, the best time to recite it is 3pm. You can count these as mere superstition or whatever, but somehow having this knowledge gives us extra peace of mind. Just like if you have GPS, you won't feel lost.

Of course this comment on the devil is rather shallow of me. But his every advertisement is his gain, but my wording of it is his loss. So it's up to you.

And yes, i'm high on flu meds. So, bite me.

Back to the Black & White

2011-01-03T01:58:00.000+08:00

Met me friend today. I admire her courage to do what she loves and it makes me feel so inspired and happy to know she enjoys her work immensely, that she didn't mind even working over New Year's Eve to New Year's Day.

When I got home, I thought over it while watching TV and realise how much I miss that joy, that passion. So, I told Dad that I'll buy over his camera; still in the process of passing him the cash. So I'll be taking pictures here, there, anytime. Will compile them every month to sort of build up an online portfolio. My printed portfolio is just way too old and different from my current perspective.

I dun exactly know what to do with this as yet unseen, uncreated portfolio. But I know I have to do something before I lose this moment, this drive to break out of my comfort zone. I find myself at work, just waiting for work to happen, I dun think that's very healthy for my spirit.

Still, I'm gonna push myself at work. A new big project might be coming my way and I want to give this a giant hadouken. There's a saying in the volatile design industry: you're only as creative as your client allows you to be. So I have to grab every opportunity I can get.

I'm approaching 30. It's time to focus and concentrate. Why hesitate to do something my heart desires? Oh, i do miss the smell of the developer, keeping blacks white and turning whites black, but i'll settle for digital right now.

Good morning, 2011!

2011-01-01T11:10:00.000+08:00

It's a new decade, a new year dedicated to full power AWESOMENESS. Heehee! My slogan for this year :P To keep with tradition and since I woke up early (7.10am), it's time to review 2010's New Year Resolutions and write new ones for 2011. As I am approaching 30, it's probably gonna be a little more serious.

Did i fulfill my 2010 resolutions??
1. Learn driving. - no
2. Leave work at 7pm at least twice a week. - more 7pm days for sure
3. Shut down at 11pm. Sleep before 1am. - sometimes
4. Cycle/swim at least once a week. - yes, jogging!
5. Upload photos within 1 week of said event (sigh...) - no, lol!
6. Repaint room to Olive Green once i get rid of the white shelves. - not yet
7. Berlin + Amsterdam, New York, Melbourne, Athens + island-hopping, Maldives (with my new bf?!) - no, no and no...
8. Weight check: 58kg!!! BMI: 23.2, not good. Watch less TV. - not really
9. Read more books. - yes
10. Cut down usage of plastic bags, plastic/styrofoam takeaways. - yes
11. Upgrade to iPhone. - not yet
12. Be more active in Church. - mission trip!

And now my 2011 new year resolutions...

Habits
1. Stop terrorising Sayang, my watchcat.
2. Consume less MSG.
3. Weight check: 56kg. BMI: 22.7. Delete TV shows after watching once/twice.
4. No shopping until GSS, except workout-gear.

Goals
5. Pass BTT (Basic Theory Test).
6. Do all 3 passions: design, write and photography.
7. Get my own DSLR: possibly Dad's Nikon D7000.
8. Get multi-gear bicycle, like ASAP.

Travel
9. Another mission trip.
10. Kyoto and Himeji Castle, Japan.
11. Eastern Europe with family.
12. Travel with JAWs, hopefully UK.

Bedroom
13. New Curtains.
14. Remove or reorganise White Shelves. Less Clutter.
15. Cut out and compile magazine covers and articles into folders.

#2, I've just bought KOKA no-msg instant noodles. For #3, I rewatched Trueblood Season 3 so many times and not to mention, Confessions Of A Shoppaholic. In #9, the Padang Troopers have been discussing Cambodia :) #10, Kyoto is only possible after I do the thorough planning; Tokyo is much easier as I've got De as travel-advisor :P #11 is quite decided but we can't find the details online. And I'm actually starting on Bedroom stuff before CNY :)

The year 2010 is ending...

2010-12-24T13:32:00.000+08:00

Last year, I felt like the year hasn't ended, or rather 2010 only arrived at CNY for me. But this year, I can't wait for it to be over. It was an extremely frustrating year for me. Here are some things that had happened...

1. Met 2 cute guys. One is getting married. The other is in a different country :(

2. Muse LIVE in concert; they were ok, crowd was bad.

3. Read quite a number of books :)

4. Up-fucking-grading and it's still going on and on till 2012. A lot of migraines ahead.

5. I had vegetable cravings, apparently that's not normal for most people. They are broccoli, capsicum, tomato (soup), asparagus and cucumber.

6. Had my first lobster in almost a decade. Had my first taste of lamb in 3 years.

7. Mission Trip to Padang, Indonesia. Awesome. Made new friends :D

8. Wrote an article about it for CHARIS. Was also the official photographer. That's prob as far as my photojournalist dream has gone.

9. Many buddies left the company but made a few new ones :)

10. TrueBlood S1-3, British Next Top Model C1-4, Burn Notice S3, Bones S4-5, House S5-6, The Simpsons S21, Planet Earth, Life, Great Migrations...and The Walking Dead is in my HD.

11. A lot of 3D Movies: Despicable Me, Resident Evil 4, Step Up 3, Tron Legacy, etc. Won a pair of tickets twice: Resident Evil 4 and The Social Network. Caught Earthlings, Kick Ass, Harry Potter, How to Train Your Dragon, etc. New movie buddy and minion, Nicole :)

12. My first ZoukOut with Tiesto and a very distant David Guetta; the crowd started pushing 200m from the side of the stage.

13. Went for my first Penitential Service which is also my first visit to the beautiful Church of Divine Mercy.

14. Second green Christmas. Bought chocs for buddies at work. Bought organic bags for my best mates. Didn't buy/use new sheets of wrapping paper. Opted out of Secret Santa.

15. Donated 13 inches of hair to wigsforkids.com

16. New colour in the wardrobe: Purple! New sports shoes in neon pink and dark grey! A lot of Uniqlo and discovered Pull And Bear.

17. Wild Rice Blend has replaced white rice in my diet. Evaporated Milk has replaced the Fresh Milk for my home coffee. We drink Nescafe Blend 37 now, sorry Nescafe Gold.

18. Once Upon A Milkshake, Crystal Jade Steamboat, Sage (great Crab & Prawn Pasta), House@Dempsey, Pontian Wantan Mee, Lei-cha-fan@Amoy, etc. New Starbucks Card.

19. Threw and donated a lot of clothes, even my old quilt I forgot I had. It's just pointless to consume more electricity by turning down the air-con thermostat to use that quilt.

20. Clarins has officially dethrone The Body Shop for my skincare, although i'm still using many of the latter's products. Jme and Sis say my complexion has improved and Shru's friend thinks I'm 23 years old!

Mission Trip to Padang

2010-12-20T03:34:00.000+08:00

Finally wrote a SUMMARISED version. Let's just say the journal version would be 3 times longer, so I abandoned it, HAHA!

---

It was the time to clear my annual leave. As I was torn between Japan and New Zealand, that Sunday, I took the bulletin from OLPS and saw a post for this mission. The dates were good, the price was right, so I sent an email the next day. A couple of days later, I got a response that I was in! I was so happy!

After the first briefing and the formation, I felt mentally prepared for the trip to Padang. Being vain, I brought only 3/4 and long sleeves, to prevent patchy tanning, old trackpants and old sports shoes as my site-gear. It was gonna get muddy.

The time to meet was a ridiculous 5.30am. After check-in, we went to grab some breakfast. We were going to have Indonesian food all the way, so I had O'Briens.

Sharon, my ex-coursemate from Poly, was my roommate. It was a real coincidence! So we had breakfast together, and just about did almost everything together. We were also the youngest in the group. Winie was a few years older but she was very soft-spoken. Marion and Naomi were a little older. Nick, an architect, was about 36. And there were quite a few in their 40s. The rest were 50 and above. Gender-wise, it's 6 guys and 10 ladies. It's an interesting mix.

On the first day, we received a warm welcome from Habitat for Humanity (HFH). They gave a very informative presentation about how and why they were helping the local community. About the same time last year, a 7.6 earthquake rocked this town, causing much devastation. More than 1,000 people lost their lives and approximately 250,000 homes collapsed or needed much repair.

The following day was our official "first day of work". The 1-hour drive to the site felt like 2 hours. I tried to take the sights in, then started to notice the passing houses were in all states of construction and destruction. The ones with blackened walls were probably caused by fire. There were ones with no roof and some had roofs but didn't have walls. Some had wooden frames waiting to be filled in with bricks. Some already had bricks, but waiting for doors and windows. And some looked so fresh and bright, you would think they moved in just yesterday!

At the site, Wilson, the construction supervisor, gave us a brief summary, split us into 3 groups and even handed out a work intinerary. However, being Singaporeans, we got bored easily and rotated, so everyone did a bit of everything. Eventually, we just called out to one another wherever help was needed. There were local workers to guide us every step of the way.

In the next 5 days, we dug holes for the vertical columns. We cut thick wires which the workers then bend into rectangles. We will then string these rectangles to longer wires to form columns. We shovelled cement and sand, mixed them, created a depression in the middle and added water. To do that, we used wheelbarrows and formed human chains for easier transportation. After letting this puddle of water stand for 10 minutes or so, it was then mixed again, from the outside-in, with shovels, till it became a paste, wet concrete. After foundation was laid, bricks were laid to level and frame the perimeter of the house. Then more concrete was added to reinforce this perimeter, as well as into the vertical columns to form pillars. When all these were done, we laid more bricks until it was waist-high.

Breaks were always encouraged and we were reminded not to over-exert ourselves. Aunty Emily, actually fainted on the first day, due to constantly getting up and down to push a lever for cutting the thick metal wires. After a good hour of rest however, she bounced back to help with stringing the columns.

Among the aunties, Aunty Chris and Aunty Susan had such great stamina, they put me to shame. They just kept on going, digging holes, shovelling wet concrete, even lifting the wheelbarrows of sand and bricks.

With each day, we all got the hang of it. The local workers also started to mingle with us in a mixture of English and Bahasa. Some stuff did crop up though. One of the owners did not like the layout of his house after we had dug the holes. Thankfully, he was okay with it in the end. Another said we built too close to the edge of the boundary, although he agreed to the position before.

After each day, after a shower, we made our way to one of our hotel rooms for reflection and sharing. Each session was led by a different person. These helped us to bond and relate to the different life and culture we had witnessed on this trip.

There was some rest and relax, too. The HFH guys, Andry and Wilson were very hospitable. After a few days of hard work, they brought us to Padang town to play some pool while others went for a much-needed massage. We also shopped for kerupuk and sang a bit of karaoke.

On the last day at the site, we went out to buy some household items and distributed evenly to all 25 families. We also donated many of our soiled clothes, socks, shoes and even hand towels. Any unused gloves and ponchos were given to HFH for their future use.

That day however, ended bittersweet. We took a long drive to the epicentre of last year's earthquake. A lot of gaping holes in the slopes were the work of landslides. From the other side of the mountainous region, we could see collapsed houses and skeleton houses, burnt out by fire. Having a vivid imagination, I could imagine this as it happened. But the local community had taken this in their stride, slowly rebuilding their lives with smiles on their faces. As foreign as we looked to them, you could tell they are glad we helped a little, that we cared to come all the way here, that we know they are people like you and I.

And with this, we ended our little journey to Padang, Indonesia. Hoping and praying that we can be just as happy and thankful with what we have, and that none of the houses will ever collapse again.

The Prodigy on Piano?!

2010-12-13T05:36:00.000+08:00

Some of the more musically-inclined fans of The Prodigy have arranged/figured out the chords, played it, recorded on video and uploaded on Youtube. Among them, Omen is my favourite. Makes me wonder if Liam Howlett composes them this way first or feeds it straight to the comp and its sound effects. Well, we shall never know. Interesting fact: Liam quit piano at 13; his teacher cried on receiving the news.

Trancing

2010-12-13T04:11:00.000+08:00

Spamming my friends' Facebook News Feed like crazy with trance songs. Here's a few more...including the ones i've posted on FB:

Orbital - Halcyon (original)

Orbital - Halcyon On & On (extended version).
Perfect for 4am.

Tiësto feat. BT - Love Comes Again

BT - Flaming June (Original Video).
Still one of my favourites.

ATB - 9pm till i come Sequential One Remix by Judge Jules

Paul Oakenfold - Ready Steady Go.
If you dunno this song, i dunno what to say.

One And One By Robert Miles (HQ Sound).
My sister's favourite at some point.

Kosheen - Hide U (radio edit)

Kosheen - Hide U (12" version)

DJ Jean - The Launch

Underworld - Born Slippy (1999 Live) Yes, everyone's favourite!

Underworld - Cowgirl / Rez @ Benicasim Festival (2005 Live)

The Prodigy - Climbatize.
You can't really classify The Prodigy, definitely some Trance here though. This was not released as a single, but every true fan of The Prodigy loves it.

Touch and Go - Would You?
Ok this is not Trance. But i love it so much (must be the teenage hormones then) I went off to HMV after classes to get the CD single.

My first ZoukOut

2010-12-13T01:14:00.000+08:00

The moment had arrived for my first ZoukOut experience. Shru had even provided a link, sort of a handbook for ZoukOut noobs like me. I first wanted to wear a tank-top, but my new haircut made it look very bare unless i wear a necklace. But necklace + heat = rash, for me anyway. So I wore the same Blondie t-shirt I wore to The Prodigy last year. That and black shorts with pockets, containing:

1. Travelling purse: keys, IC, Starbucks card, NETS and EZ-link.
2. Wet-tissue,
3. Tissue-paper
4. Handphone: old Nokia.

In the air-con bus, my bare legs shivered. Upon arriving, I met Shru, Srini and some friends: Nad, Sad and Don; I stuck out like a yellow thumb, lol! Lala not joining us at the last minute, cos she's recovering from a previous party and had more events to attend the next day.

Took the "new" Sentosa tram for the first time. It's really small. I prefer the old monorail. Nad was quite whiny, with each whine, I felt younger and younger. She's only 20 years old and she thought I was 23, which made my day. After getting the chop, we took a cab back to Vivo for dinner, coffee for me and alcohol for them.

Back in Sentosa, we found a secret spot to drink. It's apparently a popular peeing/puking spot too. They bought 2 bottles of Vodka and ONLY 3 litres of mixers. If you do the math, each bottle should have 2 litres of mixers. Soon, we ran out of mixers. Shru poured the last half bottle of vodka into what seemed like 250 ml of orange juice. After much persuasion, I convinced her we'll need more mixers, but she still wants her vodka strong. After pouring in 475ml of orange juice, i took a sip; it was horrid! But everyone cheered me on! Sorry, that's my entire consumption of alcohol for the night.

Upon arrival, the drizzling stopped. Nad needed to use the loo which was divided into male and female ones. But this idiotic excuse for a man, got into a fight with the ladies cos he wants to use the female one, to puke! While waiting for them, Don, Srini and I stood at the side, next to a guy who was already drunk and in Lalaland. He was sleeping very near a busy passageway, so I stood close by, in an attempt to avoid passers-by from tripping on him.

While reading the map, I realised Srini had lost his bearings, lol! We contacted Ter, and they were all at Citibank. Spotted Yuda there too. After some introductions and small talk, we all made our way to Arena A, for Tiesto. The crowd was too big, we got pushed around and found ourselves split into 3 groups: 3 of Ter's gal friends and me; Ter, Shru, etc; Srini and Nad, etc.

After like 30 mins, the pushing stopped and the 4 of us could enjoy ourselves. Suddenly, my hp kept ringing. Apparently, Shru was down. And Nad who had Shru's phone, was not with them. So via sms - it was impossible to carry a conversation - i tried to connect Ter and Nad.

Tiesto was good. Well, I didn't hv high expectations. At one point, he played Hide You and memories of me and Tas flooded my mind. We love that song. After a few more songs, one of the girls wanted to find her friends, so we left, knowing we might not be able to get back in for David Guetta.

We returned to Citibank and Shru was down. Her friends came back and said they'll take care of her. Since they had everyone they needed, I thought of getting to De, who was chillaxing at Bar 8, the last time I smsed her. We met up and giggled, we're at ZoukOut!!! HAHA!

Since water sold out, I bought $4 Cocacola! I'm usually a Coke Light, so Coke tastes damn sweet. After visiting the loo, the 4 of us: De, me and 2 of her gal friends, made our way to Arena A. About 200m away from the stage, the crowd started to push and shove. So, we gave up. At times like these, me and De wish we're guys.

For the rest of the night, De and I tried to find her guy friend, Jas. Apparently, my trusty old Nokia worked better than all the iPhones. I guess it's also because i'm under M1 :P She's using Singtel, and him, Starhub. Nuff said.

About 6 plus, I got hungry and bought $6 hotdog. While I was queueing, De's friend called! He was at David Guetta!

The sky got lighter but it was overcast, so we decided to skip the sunrise. Besides, we're getting a free ride out of Sentosa! Jas and De met 2 friends who drove here! While walking to their car, I thought i've met them before, but can't recall when and where.

Reaching the carpark, I saw a VW Scirocco! LOL! But it wasn't their car, sigh. They drove a black BMW, i think it's a 7-series. On our way out, we saw the revellers walking, many of them barefoot. So poor thing...hahahahahaa!

After getting off at Vivo, we got a cab via Jas' iPhone app.

As my cab turned into the carpark, i saw Dad's car driving out; he was sending Mum to work. So I called to say I've got home. Then I fed bunnies, showered and slept in bright daylight.

Christmas reflection

2010-12-11T00:16:00.000+08:00

Sadly, the first clue that Christmas was approaching, was work. Client wanted a bling bling Christmas tree. I am quite proud of the animation and was really happy my PE/friend said it felt more like Christmas as she looks at it.

The real Christmas tree is also up in the office. The smell of fresh pine fills the stale air. This year, it's purple and gold. I dun get it; I guess I'm traditional in that sense.

Somehow, i dun feel the urge to shop. I'm beginning to dislike shopping. I'm beginning to shop like a man. Just go to the shop when I want something and get it. Like today, I was at The BodyShop during lunch. And I got so stressed, I ended up not getting anything, not even getting that one item i needed. Later this evening, I went to a different branch but again, I felt stressed. I had to pause to think.

Or maybe I've really got everything I need :)

I just got back from my mission trip to Padang, Indonesia. Was supposed to do up the pics and the article. Progress has been so slow as I can't focus. Not on the writing activity, but the content of the article. Right now, it's journal-like, such as Day One, what we did, etc. But i dun see how that's good enough, how anyone wants to read that.

I had and enjoyed a spiritual connection during this trip. It's difficult to put it into words. And to do so, I need to put a lot of myself in there. Maybe that's what I'm afraid of: putting myself in there and being diplomatic at the same time. I try not to bear grudges but some incidents just make my blood boil as it gets played out again in my head.

Since coming back, I also wanted to add some Christmas decorations, but my house looks so ugly. For starters, there's the construction and the dust. And we have 5 different designs of dining/coffee tables; which my mum doesn't understand why I'm upset. I thought I'll be a better daughter when I get back, but nothing has changed.

Dad has bought different colours of paints from the ones I picked out earlier; they asked. So why did I even bother to help yeah?! He's painting part of the hall tmr. After painting Mocha (instead of mauve) for his bedroom, i wonder what colour he has chosen, keeping in mind that he painted 1 wall with the leftover Mocha.

Met Gilly for lunch and we talked about her kids. And again she mentioned how awesome a mother I'll be. Then when I was buying coffee, i saw a mother playing and bonding with her baby; I was so green with envy. I just wanna find that someone, too. I dun need to, I just want to:

Oh the things we'll do together,
the life we'll lead and the places we'll go.
God shall put us together,
So we will meet and our love will grow.

The homosexual issue

2010-11-04T02:08:00.000+08:00

I love people. They are my brothers and sisters in Christ. They are fellow Earthlings. But when it comes to homosexuality. It's always a touchy issue. Some even consider it an issue if you call it an issue.

In nature, animals are well, animals. And some humans have imitated that behaviour eons ago. In science, same-sex exploration is normal during puberty. I totally missed that moment in my life. I've never kissed a girl. Sure I've given thought about it, but I don't want to. I love men and I like to keep it that way. You see, it's my choice.

I have friends who are gay. And if they ever ask me for advice (none has), I would tell them they should always focus on the love part. Sex is an important aspect too, but love should be the source, and sex is one of the tools for the expression of love. So when the Pope came to visit Spain, the LGBTs decided to hold a protest with same-sex kissing for...2 minutes! I mean really that's sick. Most couples dun even have a minute of foreplay before sex. I won't even look at a straight couple kissing for more than 2 seconds, unless it's a movie. I won't even kiss a bf for more than 2 seconds in front of my friends and family! So in front of Our Holy Father, to me, that's just disrespect!

Love is so much more than kissing and the physical. There are interests, cultures, comfort zones, political views, religious views, etc. There must be a good mix of these same and different interests and responses to keep the relationship fun, exciting and growing. There must be kindness, communication, families' approval, friends' approval, work-life balance. And when not all these are ideally happening, there must be compromise, consideration, tolerance, acceptance and forgiveness. And God teaches all of these. Greeks call this love Agape.

So I dun understand what are they really protesting about, what is their objective other than seeking attention? You can read the full article here on Guardian.

Also found this article when searching why sodomy is named after Sodom: What was the Sin of Sodom and Gomorrah?

Fulfilling Dreams

2010-10-18T00:37:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you work so hard in your life, you forget your accomplishments. You focus instead on your weaknesses and improve on them. That's me. I have many dreams but not one I have fulfilled in its totality.

Take skateboarding. I did an ollie. Hooray.

It's just that throughout my life, I've had expectations to meet. And at the point of 16, with pretty good results to get into a good JC like Tampines but not as good as Temasek, I give up. I dun wanna be uncool. I dun want the clichéd route to money. I wanted to help the world. All these stories I've been reading in the papers (for English) and the state of Planet Earth during Geog lessons, they made me angry that people in the modern world are so boxed in their own comforts.

And I turned out to be one of them. It's not my fault. I got bounced around by this economy and remained sane only in front of the TV. After graduating, I got told my photography was not good enough at ST. So, I went to scout around for a job and but nothing clicked. Broke, I took the first photography-related job I could get. After more bounces, I'm now a Web Designer.

I honestly dun like to show my photography portfolio, because it reminds me of this failed dream. But on a few occasions, when people genuinely interested, ask to see it, I cave. And they usually like it, sometimes a little too much. And it gives me this hope. This sickening hope.

This weekend, NGC showed Truth Files. I watched it years ago. It's a little journey with a 33 y/o female photojournalist from London. Karen Davies' life and career was the one I thought I wanted. But somehow, I dun feel happy for her; she mopes that she can't have a family at the rate she's going.

Family. That's another thing people take for granted. I'm not saying mine's perfect, outsiders would say it's far from it. But yes, we need family. Great friends are the next best thing.

So instead of holding onto dreams I can't fulfil but yet can picture it fulfilled and not be satisfied by it, I wanna focus on the family, mine and others. I wanna hang out with friends or say a prayer for them even if I dun see them so often nowadays.

But this year, I will fulfill a little dream. That is to volunteer. After fighting in my head about NZ adventure holiday (NZ$ is v high!) and Tokyo (been there 2 yrs ago), this Sunday's Church bulletin advertised a mission trip. There. God answered my prayers. I sent the email an hour ago :)

Update

The mission team replied my email! I'm in! I'm in! And I just shared with De the good news! Her response: "if its God-driven, you can't go wrong!" :D

29th Birthday Weekend Plan

2010-09-13T15:10:00.000+08:00

Wishlist
Food and hugs are always welcome. Or you can donate to a cause that helps the conservation of Koalas, Sharks, Coral Reefs or GreenPeace, etc.

Friday

Early Morning
Visit Toa Payoh Ah Kung at the cemetery. His birthday is in September but he couldn't rem the day he was born. If he's alive today, he'll be 110 years old!! Ah Ma is also there but I never got to meet her.

The rest of the day
Shopping with me cousin Jme followed by some mean steak; her treat! I also need to get Clarins SPF40 sun-screen, so I still look 22, HAHA!

Saturday

Morning
Cycling! Shower and nap to lunch.

Afternoon
Stoning in front of TV; do my nails.

Evening till late
Auyong & Tsewei Wedding BBQ. The happy couple just got hitched. Bringing a pretty bottle of vodka to heighten the merriment :P

Sunday

Afternoon
12.15pm Mass. Meet Nicole for lunch; just confirmed with her on MSN! Then off to Tampines to buy bunny stuff! HRSS has a fair going on, in front of Tampines 1.

Evening
Maybe a jog and more tv!

Next week: Dinner with Inner Circle! YAY!

New Guidelines To Save $$$

2010-09-01T23:35:00.000+08:00

Last month, I overspent by $800. $400 alone to pay for bunny-boarding and $107 for 2 months' mobile bills. The rest were retail n good food. Like the rebound in basketball, to reverse this trend, I hv to not spend this $800 and save another $800; a total savings of $1600 which I can't possibly achieve this month. Hence, here are some guidelines drawn up:

1. $2 breakfast. $3 lunch. Dinner alone $3. Dinner with friends $12.

2. No KOI, Starbucks or any drink above $2. Except Milkshake; once every 2 weeks.

3. Stop retail therapy. If it's a good buy, dun spend more than $30. No buying of tank tops or bottoms.

4. No more new snacks.

5. No more new makeup or nail polish. Skincare ok but only what's needed.

6. No gourmet meals on weekends.

7. Only watch movie after friends' good reviews.

8. Postpone making big electronic purchases.

9. No new furniture, bedsheets or towels.

10. No cabbing unless clubbing.

11. No clubbing of own accord.

12. $12 haircut only. DIY colour only.

13. All of the above until Christmas.

Radiohead acoustic goodness

2010-08-30T19:17:00.000+08:00

Nice Dream

Street Spirit

How to irritate juliaN

2010-08-30T16:57:00.000+08:00

juliaN, my colleague, is highly reactive. My MSN nick reads: I vanna go to Wiwocity. The reason: I was doing an assignment that vaguely ties in with VivoCity. And since all things V is so Shruti-fiable, hence the MSN nick. So juliaN, being highly reactive, voluntarily embarks on a journey of my irritation:

Hidden links in image:
Charlie the Unicorn on YouTube
Choo Choo Shoe - YouTube
The Meatball Song - YouTube
Angela's blog entry

I'm a Pinterest addict, almost.

2010-08-17T14:08:00.000+08:00

Ooh it has been a long time since I've blogged. Here's a little update on my web activity!

I'm almost addicted to Pinterest. While FB and Twitter are really social media etc, the ultimate image-sharing is Pinterest. It's like TV, sharing pretty images and pretty ideas with everyone. Basically you can have multiple collections of little bits of everything. It all started with the Vintage Mini pictures I love to see. Instead of Googling them, I can go straight to my Cute Vintage Vehicles now. It has been renamed many times to include Isettas and retro trailers, too!

And because you can see what images others collect, you can also explore their sources. So the number of blogs I follow has grown. In addition to OhJoy!:

Living Design by Asif R Naqvi who is based in the UK
His stuff is more web design and his taste mature and quirky. I esp like his photography and Illustration posts.

Miss Moss by Diana from South Africa
A lot of vintage stuff here!

Daily Icon
Mostly Architecture and Product Design

Design Milk - I think I got this from Nick Pan :)
Mostly Architecture and Product Design

Poppy Talk (who knows OhJoy!)
Pretty stuff with lots of colour and food!

Decor8 (who also knows OhJoy!)
Really all about decorate :P

The scientist in me

2010-07-16T00:06:00.000+08:00

When I was a child, academic excellence meant a lot to me. My mum was constantly comparing grades with my Sis, my cousin Jme and other peers like Nini and De. And being the one almost born rude and mischievious, good grades seems to be the only thing that can get me into my parents' good books.

Sec 2 year-end exams were my highest average, though I didn't study damn hard, I got a decent 75.1. Ambitious, I sent in my application for the streaming classes:

1st Choice: 8 subjects including Triple Sciences & Geography
2nd Choice: 8 subjects including Chemistry, Physics, Geography & Literature.
3rd Choice: 7 subjects including Chemistry, Physics, Geography

As there were many nerds in my school, I only got 2nd Choice simply because not many wanted to do Literature. Sec 3 was a fun year because it was a new class and there was no streaming, so we can have bad grades! The boys were damn funny as most of them came from the same class who had my Sec 1 Literature teacher, Mrs Ong, for their form teacher. And the girls were less clique-ish and more easy-going. And Nini was in it! I also had Malay classmates this time, so it was interesting getting to know them and their culture. I thank them to this day for dismissing many racial stereotypes.

Many years later today, I found my Sec 3 Physics notebook. Mrs Yeo was my teacher. And she shared many funny stories, physics-related no less. And I remembered teasing her, as I always do to my teachers, if they allowed it. And in this notebook, which i kept to re-use the blank pages, had notes about Optics, Velocity, etc. I think I kept it because of Optics as I chose to do Photography in Poly. Didn't come to good use, really. In between these pages, was a loose blue photocopy; I remembered Mrs Yeo giving it out to us during one of our first lessons with her:

"The scientist does not study nature because it is useful to do so. He studies it because he takes pleasure in it, and he takes pleasure in it because it is beautiful. If nature were not beautiful it would not be worth knowing, and life would not be worth living. I am not speaking, of course, of the beauty which strikes the senses, of the beauty of qualities and appearances. I am far from despising this, but it has nothing to do with science. What I mean is that more intimate beauty which comes from the harmonious order of its parts, and which a pure intelligence can grasp." - Henri Poincare

I think it's so true. There's something Godly in the explanation but yet can only be learned to express after many years of being immersed in nature.

I've also unearthed a 1990 notebook and a 1999 notebook containing handwritten drafts of essays.

Breakfast with Mum

2010-07-15T11:35:00.000+08:00

I was too sick for work this morning, MCed ytd already. Despite sleeping without aircon last night and not washing my hair, my fever was a little stronger at about 37.6C.

The drilling ain't helping. So i went out for breakfast with Mum. Had plaster prata + kopi siudai + papadums. As we talked, 60% of the stuff she's saying i already know but i just nodded. When she talked about our place, about my objections of a bar counter, I had to rake up the past. To her horror and to my disbelief, she couldn't remember that unfortunate incident. And of course, she blames my dad for everything.

That's the problem with her generation, she dun communicate with my dad, expecting him to take the initiative. And after more than 30 years, she still has that mentality from time to time. And my mum is not willing to learn things, like the remote control, I'm terrified of her brain limiting itself. She actually wants a job in my neighbourhood which is like 5 roads! Given that my mum is so well-travelled, I wonder if she absorb anything at all during these travels. And 30 years later, my Sis and I will be the ones looking after her, provided my Sis is still in Singapore.

Looking at my mum and grandma is not a heartwarming sight. There are moments but most of the time it's Grandma's stubbornness vs Mum's frustrations. I asked my mum many times what's the point? Would Grandma be happy living within these rules for the next ten years? Or would she be happy doing whatever she wants for 1 year?

The lady in fuchsia

2010-06-23T11:05:00.000+08:00

I was late for work. So I was walking from my void deck to the main road, to get a cab. A lady in fuchsia was in front of me walking slowly, in the centre of the path, so i walked behind her at her pace until the main road. There was another lady already there, trying to flag a cab. So I walked up the road.

After a few minutes, I saw 2 cabs, so I let one pass and take the other. As I was about to close the cab door, I heard this shrill scream: the lady in fuchsia was protesting about 50 metres away. Then she like say damn sarcastic and ask me to take the cab lah, as if she's the bigger person. But no, I decided to let her have it. Cos I dun want her to lose her faith in her neighbours, even though I wasn't in the wrong.

We came to the road at the same time. I needed the cab so I was desperate enough to walk up the road. If she had walked up too, I will gladly have walked behind her.

After another few minutes, I got my cab. Her scary high-pitched voice still resonating in my ears. I just take it she's just having a worse morning than me.

Dinner date with Sis & Jme

2010-06-03T01:56:00.001+08:00

Dinner was at Ramen Santouka and this time, we ordered the pork cheek, her signature dish. Highly recommended! I had the Shoyu Ramen; not bad at all but i still prefer the Kara Miso version. Then we proceeded to coffee and cake at Starbucks. What enfolded next was a first.

Sis and I are both closer to Jme, our favourite cousin, than to each other. So, many times, we get to know each other through Jme. Apparently, Sis has been going through a rather testing period of late, and she decided to share it with me, details not spared. It was more of an update for Jme, so I was really the one shocked and sad. But my Sis is strong and definitely able to pick up after herself, i know this because I've seen her at her best :) But do pray for her if you can, for strength and courage to overcome the difficulties in life.

We also talked about our friends. Jme says she keep losing her galfriends while i keep losing me guyfriends and Sis has only one guyfriend. Sis also dunno where exactly to draw the line between the platonic and the romantic, so that explains. I dunno how I learnt this but i think it's probably through observation and experience from talking to all sorts of people: straight or gay, young and old, the boring and the captivating.

As we made our way home, Sis insists on MRT which I had a bad feeling about it, but i didn't tell her. Jme's husband came to fetch her.

As the train alights at Lavender, a man slid and knocked into Sis and I, we almost fell but caught each other. He hesitated for a good 3 seconds while I just looked at him, then he said sorry. Sis pointed out to him matter-of-factly a few things, her voice was a bit louder than normal and annoyed. By which time, i could smell the alcohol off his breath.

The man retorted even louder and more annoyed, even though he was not the victim, but he clearly saw himself as one. No one said he was poor, but he implied we are atas. No one said he was Indian, but he pointed out our skin colour. I kept my cool and genuinely tried making peace with him but he went on! So we started moving away, and explained to our new neighbours he was drunk. They rolled their eyes, lol!

Despite this, he considered the verbal abuse with our backs against him, 5 metres away or about 12 people in between. When he said CB, wah leal, i was really damn pissed off! But it clearly wasn't worth it, so we left at Kallang and took the next train. I hope he gets help, this man clearly has issues either with drinking or his lack of self-esteem or both!

Through this weird incident, we see how both of us are so different now.

Cycled another 20plus km!

2010-06-03T00:29:00.000+08:00

I was having a severe case of PMS bloating last Friday, Vesak Day. I felt so fat that I had to go on the weighing scale for a reality check: put on 3 kilos!

Friday was still a rest day for me, letting my body and mind relax after the intense work week. Saturday's weather didn't look good; it had to be Sunday, so I went to Sunset Mass with Mum and Dad. That night, Dad fixed the twisted tyre plug by releasing the air inside then pushing the tyres out with the backs of spoons. He was doing it fine on his own, so I took a quick shower. When I was done, he was done. Then he so nice: helped me pump the tyres and the bicycle is ready for takeoff!

Ah, Sunday. The air was still humid and clouds stopped by ever so often before moving on. I dun give a damn, I have to cycle. At 3.15pm, I started packing and checking. Before I left the house, Mum asked if i can ride up slopes? I asked which one. She said any slope; i got so confused!

On the bicycle, I feel so free, so happy, so gay; living it up. Everything was a real breeze. My stamina improved too. When I reached East Coast Park, I didn't have any aches, just need a bit of water. Stopped at Bedok Jetty next and noticed the sea had an eerie silky surface. It was only when I passed carpark F2 that I could detect the weird burnt rubber smell; these were caused by the oil spill. But after that, all was ok.

Clockwise from top left: Bedok Jetty, my favourite part of the track, the destination and the sunset when turning back.

For the first time, I reached my favourite part of the track way before sunset, and the trees are so tall, feathery and beautiful. I always ride slow here as it's a short stretch. I can also chill before the 7km stretch. That is where I wonder why I punish myself every single time. But thankfully, riding back always feels shorter than getting there. This time, I found the sound of planes annoying. But I was way too sweaty to dirty my iPod.

I reached my destination, refueled with an energy bar and more water. But it was still a while before sunset and the ants were bugging me. So I decided to ride a bit further; passing SAF Ferry Terminal. Then the sun was beginning to set so I turned back.

Reached home 8.45pm or about four hours of cycling! And I so wanna do it again this weekend!

Mummy, where did dust come from?

2010-05-24T00:51:00.000+08:00

And what is dust made of? I was about five or six years old. Mum was complaining about how everything collects dust, especially my favourite stuff toys. So I asked her these questions and she lashed out at me. After some years, i realised my doing so provokes her and so, i stop asking about anything.

You see, today, I was cleaning my room after Dad turned down my request for Biochannel. It was showing Hoarders and I'm a bit of one. Dad said watch it once is good enough and asked me to clean my room. So I did. I also cleaned the microwave-oven and cleared the fridge of expired medicine when I found 4 little bags in my room. Cleaning to me, is like a virus, once i start, i dun want to stop. In fact, if only I didn't have to sleep or have work tomorrow...

And what makes me slow at cleaning and clearing is i tend to look at the stuff as I clean. So, i somehow flipped through this really old notebook from 1992. I remembered my Sis and I bought one each during the school holidays to write with my new purple pen. However, what i found were later writings. I have torn out the 1992 parts to use it in 1998. And at the back of it are some poems. They were untitled, dateless and unsigned, but nevertheless, in my own pensive handwriting.

Click here to view the first one on the last page. Then click on Newer Post for the next one. Four in total :)

Men made of wood

2010-05-18T16:50:00.001+08:00

Was checking out the meaning of "stoic" from my friend, ericiali's tweet when suddenly a thought first popped into my head. I tweeted but it didn't seem to make any sense at first so i asked at the same time:
"i dun like men who's made of wood. They burn easily." - does this make any sense??

Then Lala MSNed me about it: What is man made of wood? An interesting conversation follows. My side is it has two meanings: unfeeling or super horny, but seems like both burn easily as in the girl's heart will be broken. Lala thinks horny and caring is not mutually exclusive; unfeeling one probably more likely to end up hurt than horny. Et cetera et cetera...but at the back of my mind i wonder who said it. So i Googled. These two are the closest:

Pastor Terry Dowd:
"I remember when ships were made of wood and men were made of steel. Now it's just the opposite."

Bible: Deuteronomy 4:28
"There you will serve gods made by human hand, of wood and of stone, that cannot see or hear, eat or smell."

Which means...i came up with it all on my own :S

Sleeping problem

2010-05-14T01:45:00.000+08:00

I'm hvg this struggle. I'm trying not to sleep till i'm dead tired. Then I won't dream. I've been dreaming of someone I dun like dreaming about. And other than rest, there's really no incentive to sleep. I used to like sleeping, to hv someone u love resting beside you. You feel safe and you feel at peace cos he's safe.

Caught House today. It's abt this IQ 178 guy who abuse cough syrup and vodka to cause temporary brain damage, so that he's dumb enough to be with his wife. When he met her, he envied her cos she was dumb and happy while he was smart and miserable.

I'm not that smart. But I do wish he ain't dumb. And definitely not miserable. So where do smart and happy people do at this hour?? Oh right, they sleep! Night fellas!

Hormone Imbalance

2010-05-12T17:28:00.000+08:00

In a nutshell, I was rudely surprised yesterday. My normal 28-day cycle became a 17-day one. Consulted my sis and cousin last night as Mum was already asleep. Jme was the one who mentioned hormone imbalance. This morning, went to see my GP who has referred me to a gynae at a Women's Clinic. Appointment on Monday.

And this afternoon, i felt the full brunt of it. Swearing at my comp non-stop and almost swearing at my colleagues. Thankfully i caught myself before hitting the enter button on MSN. For example, i wrote "if i sound rude...fuck you." in my office MSN for a couple of minutes! Then switch it to a more diplomatic one: "if i sound rude...ignore me. My body is not used to this new normal lifestyle."

It's bad.

Here's more about my new normal lifestyle:
1. I've been eating well.
Giving in to 90% of my food cravings.
2. I've been sleeping well enough.
Morning cabbing have been reduced by 50% :)
3. Reduced coffee intake.
Maintaining at 1 to 2 cups a day.
4. More fruits.
Banana, papaya and apple.
5. OT_T less.
Been leaving at 7-7:30pm.

Added to this, I had a jog last Sunday and a massage this Monday. I even took leave yesterday and had a great day-out at the Pixar Exhibition. Highly recommend it by the way. Please check it out at The Science Centre, walkable from Jurong East MRT station, until 27 June 2010.

What can I say? My body is used to stress.

Imprints

2010-05-07T14:51:00.000+08:00

Went to a mini exhibition, Imprints, at Red Dot Museum with new WD (she's 21!) and Lala. The one thing that impressed me was this lamp. I think it'll look good above my future dining table of my future home.

Walking through these mini pieces reminds me of poly days. There were also Jacqui and Jacklyn among them, which Lala said i should showcase my artwork too.

Then i thought, the last time i did anything in this genre was in poly days. Now i lack the patience and perseverance. I mean we had to do these projects as they were part of our curriculum. Then again, it's bcos we were having fun learning, getting our hands dirty and there's this reasonable allowance, haha!

So if i do such stuff now, there's no one i'm trying to impress and i've already proven my worth at my job. But if given the time, freedom and zero financial difficulty, who knows?

At the back of my mind, i remembered this phrase by which describes the way i work back in poly: Organised Chaos. I was really describing my bedroom, which sadly still looks immature and uncreative, HAHA!

Now CD is roping all the Ds in to furnish our plain office walls. An idea crossed my mind. I can simply scan in an old black & white photograph and turn it into a silhouette, then mask it out. HAHAHAA! I'm so freakin lazy!!

Three dreams...

2010-05-03T10:38:00.000+08:00

I had three dreams last night. And I remembered all of them.

The first was quite normal. I dreamt that I had coffee and can't sleep. Then i woke up and realised I had to visit the loo.

When i finally dozed off again. My bedroom was like the old one: plain bright white walls, white desks and brown grilles. The grilles were slid wide open. My colleagues Hammie and Ah Beng were working, one on the left and the other on the right, both facing the wall. It was about 8pm and there was a flush of yellow and magenta light outside. A bored Shruti walked in. She was wearing one of her hoodie jackets. The lights start to move and revealed more images as if telling a story. I came in and joined her, sitting to her right. Telling her we were still working on this project.

Then i woke up and tossed and went back to sleep within a minute.

This time it's a horror movie based on True Blood characters. Lorena, Bill's ex and a vampire, wants to kill both him and Sookie. She's a mighty elder vampire and so was very strong, much stronger than Bill. Apparently she can split all her bones and put herself back together. In doing so, she split and minced both of them, every ligament except their heads. When they were put back together, both were neither male nor female. And they were both vampire and human. Except Sookie didn't have her fangs.

So Bill and Sookie have to survive on both Trublood (synthetic human blood) and real human food. The inspector even told Bill to hydrate by drinking water LOL! Because they're neither male nor female, they can't have sex (there's alot of sex in the actual series). And not only that, Lorena was attacking them on a daily basis, so they were forever running and couldn't escape from this budget hotel they happen to be in. The town can only smuggle them food and Trublood.

As the ordeal continues, Bill's vampire flesh is slowly eating up Sookie's. So slowly but surely, both are becoming 100% vampires, but they get weaker as Sookie's human flesh is weak. During another attack, as they run from away from Lorena, i woke up.

It was really quite late liao, the sun was up and I couldn't get back to sleep to finish the dream and I was really exhausted at the same time from having these dreams. My dreams dun usually recur so i guess this movie of sorts dun have an ending :( Anyway, there's a new episode of True Blood tonight! Yay!

Part 2: State of Mind

2010-04-14T00:05:00.000+08:00

After the reunion dinner on Saturday, I was beat and collapsed in bed. Woke up the next day at 1pm, missing 12.15pm Mass. Huge migraine. Lunched and stoned with True Blood goodness. By 4pm, I was still in a lot of pain, contemplating whether or not to go for Mass. At 5.30pm, i still hvnt made plans for dinner, so i showered, had coffee and rushed to Mass at 6pm.

At Church, I felt I needed healing but I arrived so late, during First Reading. Later, i found a kneeling spot. Throughout the rest of the Mass, i was conflicted and unsettled. Should I or should I not? When the time came, I plucked up the courage and partook in communion.

After Mass, I went to look for a priest. And finally, I reconciled with God. It was something so simple, so straightforward, yet so very difficult. As I did my penance, I still felt pain but it was more bearable.

But somehow, in the next 48 hours, things felt a little better, then things became better, and after a series of forward thinking and action, i felt lifted out of this strange gloom. I feel free.

Then it rained the most charming drizzling sound this evening. Lovely.

Part 1: State of Health

2010-04-13T23:32:00.000+08:00

I was sick, very unexpectedly, last Thursday. But there was something due that day, so I smsed to check if my colleague (who MCed yesterday) will be in. She would, so i slept a little while more, hoping to catch the doc then reach work later.

A little while wasn't so little after all. I showered and dashed out of the house, reaching the clinic 2 mins before they would close, but they closed early, sigh.

So i went to see the TCM doc. It was a long wait. By the time i went in, i was thinking Tonsilitis. Doc says heaty: my lungs and stomach too dry. And that my nose is very sensitive. So he prescribed meds for all of that. I asked about coffee: no more than 1 cup a day is recommended. Then i did myself a favour and bought 2 wedges of rock melon. So refreshing!

My appetite came back on Friday, so I had a 3-course meal at Hans for dinner. Overate. Not good.

Later at Butter, alone in the queue to get in and meet my friends, one of the yellow shirts pulled me aside. He first played the disclaimer, "Er, dun get offended ah, can i ask u a personal question?" I thought it was regarding race, i get that sometimes, then he asked, "Are you pregnant?"

Now i was wearing my new Zara dress for the first time and i overate my dinner, but still that is the rudest thing to ask a lady at a club, esp when i dun hv friends to slap u left-right-centre. So i made a complaint and he gave me free entry...ok lor like whatever, i dun wanna spoil my night anyway.

But really I was fuming mad for like a full hour. He had no right, disclaimer or not. I'm glad it was free entry though, 'cos Fash was playing Bump music 60% of the time. I wanted to stone, not grind!!!

The rest agreed, so we ended the night early.

The real reunion dinner

2010-04-13T23:22:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday, a miracle happened. The prodigal son in my family has returned.

It has been about six years apparently. But compared to the image in my memory and now, my uncle has aged alot. His hair turned all white.

His two kids have grown as well. They had trouble grasping the addresses for my many uncles and aunties, as well as differentiating cousins and nieces. It was all overwhelming, even for me. I had no idea for small talk. But it was just heartwarming to see them among us; they must be so deprived of such atmosphere.

Unfortunately Jme wasn't around to witness this, sigh. But she's back! And we'll catch up :D

Aaawww...

2010-04-06T19:15:00.000+08:00

A friend told me that this mutual couple friend of ours is engaged. I kinda knew the guy was already heading into that direction. And I felt the anticipation when the girl had the tattoo. But this was confirmed with ring and excited whispers among their cosy friends :)

Somehow, in the middle of work, it took me back to the past. But in a good way.

I remembered it was around Christmas. She just came back for the holidays from her studies in Australia. And though together for a few years by then, the couple cuddled in the living room while the rest of the family went about dinner and miscellaneous conversations. They whispered and nodded and smiled and exchanged little kisses, while in sweet embrace on one armchair, glancing at the TV now and then. I knew then this couple was thinking about having a life together, though they probably haven't worked out the details or even tell each other the way they feel.

And as I said goodbye, I called them lovebirds and immediately they blushed. It was just so cute! After that, I felt a little rude, intruding their private exchange of lovely words.

I remembered in the car, wondering why we were not like that. When the opportunity did arise, I sort of want that lovely feeling after missing someone for months.

That wish was granted for this blessed couple, crossing the biggest Ocean to be together. It takes a lot of Love and a leap of Faith and i Hope for all the best for them.

Whimsical Dream

2010-03-31T11:20:00.000+08:00

Had a really interesting dream last night. In a nutshell, i dreamt about this guy who's a friend of a friend. And i went to his HUGE house; very impressed by his wealth like some gold digger, haha!

But really the house is awesome...It has 2 levels. The first time i was there, i didnt get to the 2nd level bcos I guess I was really tired. So this the second time, I climbed up to the 2nd level, only to find out later that there's a lift but at the other side of the house

1st level is pretty modern looking. The standout bit is the electric-blue bar in the middle of the living room, on a split-level. There is a couple of blue steps then a blue slide; you can literally slide into the sofa. At this thought, I asked him, "How do you slide into the sofa without spilling your drink?!" He just laughed.

The staircase to the 2nd level consist of 4 flights of stairs bcos the 1st level ceiling is very high. It is enclosed in traditional Japanese pine doors but the ceiling is criss-crossed, much like the shape of this building.

The 2nd level reminds me of some inn in Asakusa. The same traditional Japanese pine doors line the corridor everywhere you turn. The wooden flooring has a darker tone. There are about 10 rooms. It seems to be evening as all the lights were switched-on. In one of the rooms, all the doors are open, a bar is open in the corner. His friends are hanging out there, including *gasp* Keanu Reeves!

Then we went to see some art collectibles he has bought, displayed in an open-space (supposed family room), mostly from Japan. I liked one of them and he said that's really expensive and he bought it on impulse.

Then i woke up.

Fyi this guy, in real-life, hasn't been to Japan. HAHAHA!!!

What the Modern Woman Wants

2010-03-08T11:29:00.000+08:00

Email shared by my Godma. I'm so not the Modern Woman in this story. She disgusts me.

Singapore girl wins Commonwealth essay prize!

A 15-YEAR-OLD Singaporean, competing against 16-> 18-year-olds, has won the top prize in a writing contest that drew 5,300 entries from 52 countries...

In the annual Commonwealth Essay Competition, Amanda Chong of Raffles Girls' School (Secondary) chose to compete in the older category and won with a piece on the restlessness of modern life.

Her short story, titled What The Modern Woman Wants, focused on the conflict in values between an old lady and her independent- minded daughter.

'Through my story, I attempted to convey the unique East-vs-West struggles and generation gaps that I felt were characteristic of young people in my country,' said Amanda, who likes drama, history and literature and wants to become a lawyer and a politician.

Chief examiner Charles Kemp called her piece a 'powerfully moving and ironical critique of modern restlessness and its potentially cruel consequences'..

The writing is fluent and assured, with excellent use of dialogue. Amanda gets (S$1,590). A Singaporean last won the top prize in 2000, said Britain 's Royal Commonwealth Society, which has been organising the competition since 1883. Singaporeans ! also came in second in the 14 to 15-year-old category, and fourth in the under-12s. Other winners included students from Australia , Canada and South Africa

---

What the Modern Woman Wants...
By Amanda Chong Wei-Zhen

The old woman sat in the backseat of the magenta convertible as it careened down the highway, clutching tightly to the plastic bag on her lap, afraid it may be kidnapped by the wind. She was not used to such speed, with trembling hands she pulled the seat belt tighter but was careful not to touch the patent leather seats with her callused fingers, her daughter had warned her not to dirty it, 'Fingerprints show very clearly on white, Ma.'

Her daughter, Bee Choo, was driving and talking on her sleek silver mobile phone using big words the old woman could barely understand. 'Finance', 'Liquidation', 'Assets', 'Investments'... Her voice was crisp and important and had an unfamiliar lilt to it.

Her Bee Choo sounded like one of those foreign girls on television. She was speaking in an American accent.

The old lady clucked her tongue in disapproval. ..... 'I absolutely cannot have this. We have to sell!' Her daughter exclaimed agitatedly as she stepped on the accelerator; her perfectly manicured fingernails gripping onto the steering wheel in irritation.

'I can't DEAL with this anymore!' she yelled as she clicked the phone shut and hurled it angrily toward the backseat.. The mobile phone hit the old woman on the forehead and nestled soundlessly into her lap. She calmly picked it up and handed it to her daughter..

'Sorry, Ma,' she said, losing the American pretence and switching to Mandarin. 'I have a big client in America . There have been a lot of problems.'

The old lady nodded knowingly. Her daughter was big and important.

Bee Choo stared at her mother from the rear view window, wondering what she was thinking. Her! mother's wrinkled countenance always carried the same cryptic look. The phone began to ring again, an artificially cheerful digital tune, which broke the awkward silence.

'Hello, Beatrice! Yes, this is Elaine.' Elaine. The old woman cringed. I didn't name her Elaine. She remembered her daughter telling her, how an English name was very important for 'networking', Chinese ones being easily forgotten.

'Oh no, I can't see you for lunch today. I have to take the ancient relic to the temple for her weird daily prayer ritual.' Ancient Relic. The old woman understood perfectly it was referring to her. Her daughter always assumed that her mother's silence meant she did not comprehend.

'Yes, I know! My car seats will be reeking of joss sticks!' The old woman pursed her lips tightly, her hands gripping her plastic bag in defence.

The car curved smoothly into the temple courtyard. It looked almost garish next to the dull sheen of the ageing temple's roof.. The old woman got out of the back seat, and made her unhurried way to the main hall. Her daughter stepped out of the car in her business suit and stilettos and reapplied her lipstick as she made her brisk way to her mother's side.

'Ma, I'll wait outside.. I have an important phone call to make,' she said, not bothering to hide her disgust at the pungent fumes of incense. The old lady hobbled into the temple hall and lit a joss stick, she knelt down solemnly and whispered her now familiar daily prayer to the Gods. Thank you God of the Sky, you have given my daughter luck all these years. Everything I prayed for, you have given her. She has everything a young woman in this world could possibly want. She has a big house with a swimming pool, a maid to help her, as she is too clumsy to sew or cook. Her love life has been blessed; she is engaged to a rich and handsome angmoh man. Her company is now the top financial firm and even men listen to what she says... She! lives the perfect life. You have given her everything except happiness. I ask that the gods be merciful to her even if she has lost her roots while reaping the harvest of success.

What you see is not true, she is a filial daughter to me. She gives me a room in her big house and provides well for me. She is rude to me only because I affect her happiness.. A young woman does not want to be hindered by her old mother. It is my fault.

The old lady prayed so hard that tears welled up in her eyes. Finally, with her head bowed in reverence she planted the half-burnt joss stick into an urn of smoldering ashes.

She bowed once more. The old woman had been praying for her daughter for thirty-two years. When her stomach was round like a melon, she came to the temple and prayed that it was a son. Then the time was ripe and the baby slipped out of her womb, bawling and adorable with fat thighs and pink cheeks, but unmistakably, a girl. Her husband had ticked and punched her for producing a useless baby who could not work or carry the family name.

Still, the woman returned to the temple with her new-born girl tied to her waist in a sarong and prayed that her daughter would grow up and have everything she ever wanted.

Her husband left her and she prayed that her daughter would never have to depend on a man. She prayed every day that her daughter would be a great woman, the woman that she, meek and uneducated, could never become. A woman with nengkan; the ability to do anything she set her mind to. A woman who commanded respect in the hearts of men. When she opened her mouth to speak, precious pearls would fall out and men would listen. She will not be like me, the woman prayed as she watched her daughter grow up and drift away from her, speaking a language she scarcely understood.

She watched her daughter transform from a quiet girl to one who openly defied her, calling her laotu, old fashioned... . She wanted her! mother to be 'modern', a word so new there was no Chinese word for it. Now her daughter was too clever for her and the old woman wondered why she had prayed like that. The Gods had been faithful to her persistent prayer, but the wealth and success that poured forth so richly had buried the girl's roots and now she stood faceless with no identity, bound to the soil of her ancestors by only a string of origami banknotes.

Her daughter had forgotten her mother's value. Her wants were so ephemeral, that of a modern woman. Power, wealth, access to the best fashion boutiques and yet her daughter had not found true happiness. The old woman knew that you could find happiness with much less. When her daughter left the earth, everything she had would count for nothing. People would look to her legacy and say that she was a great woman but she would be forgotten once the wind blows over, like the ashes of burnt paper convertibles and mansions.

The old woman wished she could go back and erase all her big hopes and prayers for her daughter now that she had looked out of the temple gates. She saw her daughter speaking on the phone, her brow furrowed with anger and worry. Being at the top is not good, the woman thought, there is only one way to go from there – down.

The old woman carefully unfolded the plastic bag and spread out a packet of beehoon in front of the altar. Her daughter often mocked her for worshipping porcelain Gods. How could she pray to them so faithfully and expect pieces of ceramic to fly to her aid? But her daughter had her own gods too, idols of wealth, success and power that she enslaved to and worshipped every day of her life.

Every day was a quest for the idols, and the idols she worshipped counted for nothing in eternity. All the wants her daughter had would slowly suck the life out of her and leave her, an empty souless shell at the altar.. The old woman watched the joss stick. The dull heat had left ateetering grey stem that was on the danger of collapsing.

Modern woman nowadays, the old lady signed in resignation, as she bowed to the east bone final time to end her ritual. Modern woman nowadays want so much that they lose their souls and wonder whey they cannot find it. Her joss stick disintegrated into a soft grey powder. She met her daughter outside the temple, the same look of worry and frustration was etched on her daughter's face.

An empty expression, as if she was ploughing through the soil of her wants looking for the one thing that would sown the seeds of happiness. They climbed into the convertible in silence and her daughter drove along the highway, this time not to fast as she had done before. ‘Ma,’ Bee Choo finally said. "I don't know how to put this. Mark and I have been talking about it and we plan to move out of the big house. The property market is good now, and we managed to get a buyer willing to pay us seven million for it. We decided we'd prefer a cosier penthouse apartment instead. We found a perfect one in Orchard Road .. Once we move into our apartment, we plan to get rid of the maid, so we can have more space to ourselves... .."

The old woman nodded knowingly. Bee Choo swallowed hard. "We'd get someone to come in to do the housework and we can eat out – but once the maid is gone, there won't be anyone to look after you. You will be awfully lonely at home and, besides that the apartment is rather small. There won't be space. We thought about it for a long time, and we decided the best thing for you is if you moved to a Home. There's one near Hougang – it's a Christian home and a very nice one."

The old woman did not raise an eyebrow. I"ve been there, the matron is willing to take you in. It's beautiful with gardens and lots of old people to keep you company! Hardly have time for you, you'd be happier there." "You'd be happier there, really.." her daughter repeated as if to aff!irm herself.

This time the old woman had no plastic bag of food offering to cling tightly to, she bit her lip and fastened her seat belt, as if it would protect her from a daughter who did not want her anymore. She sunk deep into the leather seat, letting her shoulders sag and her fingers trace the white seat.

Ma, her daughter asked, searching the rear view window for her mother.. "Is everything okay?"

What had to be done, had to be done. "Yes" she said firmly, louder than she intended, 'if it will make you happy,' she added more quietly.

‘It's for you, Ma! You will be happier there. You can move there tomorrow, I already got the maid to pack your things.' Elaine said triumphantly, mentally ticking yet another item off her agenda. 'I knew everything would be fine.' Elaine smiled widely; she felt liberated. Perhaps getting rid of her mother would make her happier... She had thought about it. It seemed the only hindrance in her pursuit of happiness. She was happy now. She had everything a modern woman ever wanted; money, status, career, love, power and now freedom without her mother and her old-fashioned ways to weigh her down......

Yes she was free. Her phone butted urgently, she picked it up and read the message, still beaming from ear to ear. "Stock 10% increase." Yes, things were definitely beginning to look up for her and while searching for the meaning of life in the luminance of her hand phone screen, the old woman in the backseat became invisible and she did not see her in tears.

Career Quiz based on colour

2010-03-02T16:03:00.000+08:00

Via my tweet friend Ericia Li, via this blog post, which will take you here eventually.

"The Dewey Color System® is now the world's most accurate career testing instrument.
This report based on your personality traits indicates your two most enjoyable day-day-day occupation skills. It’s a summary of the full report, the Color Leadership Evaluation 5.0.

Studies indicate 'workplace enjoyment is the key to success'. So as you read, consider only 'Was I mostly having fun at work?' Disregard your present and past employer’s environment."

And as predicted, i chose my current industry...

Best Occupational Category
You're a CREATOR

Keywords:
Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional

These original types place a high value on aesthetic qualities and have a great need for self-expression. They enjoy working independently, being creative, using their imagination, and constantly learning something new. Fields of interest are art, drama, music, and writing or places where they can express, assemble, or implement creative ideas.

CREATOR OCCUPATIONS
Suggested careers are Advertising Executive, Architect, Web Designer, Creative Director, Public Relations, Fine or Commercial Artist, Interior Decorator, Lawyer, Librarian, Musician, Reporter, Art Teacher, Broadcaster, Technical Writer, English Teacher, Architect, Photographer, Medical Illustrator, Corporate Trainer, Author, Editor, Landscape Architect, Exhibit Builder, and Package Designer.

CREATOR WORKPLACES
Consider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature.

Suggested Creator workplaces are advertising, public relations, and interior decorating firms; artistic studios, theaters and concert halls; institutions that teach crafts, universities, music, and dance schools. Other workplaces to consider are art institutes, museums, libraries, and galleries.

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2nd Best Occupational Category
You're a PERSUADER

Keywords:
Witty, Competitive, Sociable, Talkative, Ambitious, Argumentative, and Aggressive

These enterprising types sell, persuade, and lead others. Positions of leadership, power, and status are usually their ultimate goal. Persuasive people like to take financial and interpersonal risks and to participate in competitive activities. They enjoy working with others inside organizations to accomplish goals and achieve economic success.

The past week

2010-02-18T23:37:00.000+08:00

Kids around my block these days are smoking out in the open. In the past few days, twice in broad daylight, girls no older than 16. And 2 boys, about 17, blaring music from their hp, at 22:30 just now. It's sadder that they're of the stereotypical race. I wanna stop them but somehow at the back of my mind, i know they won't listen to me. The younger they start, the more difficult for them to quit.

Haven't been sleeping well either. The new neighbours upstairs have kids running around all day, on weekends. Sometimes you can hear them shouting while running or playing. Even at night, the adults are heavy-footed.

And on the trains recently, guys don't seem to understand that you are not supposed to stand close to women, esp when there's alot of space. They just don't think of others' personal space. And yesterday evening, when i managed to get a seat, the lady standing in front of me had her bag within inches of my head, swaying back and forth, while she noisily flips her newspapers above me. It was so claustrophobic that I let her hv my seat so I can read my book in peace.

Some good things around the office: award certificates and free doughnuts! One who came back from Manila, his hometown, got me my favourite Boy Bawang snack! Another went snowboarding in Niseko, Hokkaido, Japan! We were all green with envy while viewing her photos that she has already uploaded, even before coming back! Also, more and more people leaving work on time :P

As predicted, work has been slow these past 2 days, and not just me. Everyone is still in a holiday mood. Hope things will speed up tomorrow :)

Alas! Me favourite cousin is back and so, we're having dinner, with my Sis too, at Sushi Tei next Monday! Yipee!

Read 3 books in 1 month!

2010-02-17T00:04:00.000+08:00

All books borrowed from me cousin, Jaime :) She bought them at a book sale :)

1. To Kill A Mocking Bird by Harper Lee
I've heard this book many times throughout secondary school. I can see how it's a literature classic, esp in America. The pace is good, to a point where i found it difficult to put it down for rest. From a kid's viewpoint, it was all innocent yet so profound and simple at the same time. I was very sad at one point of the book as many readers of this day would. And to my amazement, i actually enjoyed reading it; the first 50 pages were rather slow-moving.

2. Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom
I had been carrying this around for two days and decided to start reading a few pages after work, during dinner. Cried at Page 4. Put down the book and carried on reading later at home. It was a Tuesday. Finished it the next day and decided to make some life-changing decisions. No thanks to CNY, I haven't started, sigh. The book is about a dying professor, who by destiny it seems, gets to meet his student from yesteryears. And they renew their friendship where it left off. Despite suffering from his terminal illness, Morrie continues teaching and the student continues learning. You have to read this book.

3. Yakuza Moon; Memoirs Of A Gangster's Daughter by Shoko Tendo.
This is a very disturbing and sad book. I hv heard about the Yakuza but this is a first-hand account. The drugs/rape/violence is enough to make me flinch. Sometimes i put down the book to get a tissue paper. How she choose to carry on the way she did i found it difficult to understand. The relationships are very complex. But as she got older, she made wiser decisions that steered her to a better life, a life she could be proud of.

Muse: Live at Indoor Stadium 2010

2010-02-04T01:35:00.000+08:00

Ok first and foremost, we had really high expectations which is a bad thing. So, Muse was great but not awesome. In fact, Green Day was far more interactive than Muse. Matt only spoke abt 5 times; Dominic and Chris about twice each.

Crowd was quite bad. From the start, De didn't have a good vibe, and i got it from all sides. The first song was Uprising which was pretty good, after that was a mess as the sound was really fuzzy and the crowd was drowning Matt's vocals. I finally got to a point where i could see Matt as they launch into Undisclosed Pleasures, it was beautiful...

Then the tower in front of me was sick of my pushing and the younger lad gave me a lecture. No longer enjoying myself, i crawled back to De as I felt she needed me; she was facing her own battle. This angmoh gal, seemingly drugged-high, was jumping and "unintentionally" elbowing everyone around her, my toes kenna her heels many times so i defended myself. She then complained and her "Juggernaut" bf turned to us and stared at us. I was terrified! I really thought he was gonna hit us. Then it was an awesome Time Is Running Out, but angmoh gal was pushing it; De had enough and wanted to leave. I persuaded her to stay and we watched the rest of the gig undisturbed near the back. Really happy here as it was cooler and i could still see Matt as he worked the guitar. Awesome.

Encore was Exogenesis Symphony Part 1 and the sound was just amazing as it sounded clearer away from the crowd; brought me to space euphoria. Plug-in Baby was good too. Towards the end of the song, big white balloons fell from the left and right sides, bouncing to the crowd at stage-front. Next, Chris played the harmonica intro to Knights of Cydonia which was a refreshing take, bathed by desert-orange lighting. They worked the melody into a frenzy and Matt did his falsetto. I'm finally lovin' this song now :)

Then it was all over and I left the gig with mixed feelings; De not amused.

Really Horrifying Nightmare

2010-01-25T18:18:00.000+08:00

Had a really horrifying nightmare. One, we were poor, so poor that my parents' room was half its size and furniture was sparse, like we just moved in. The only tv in the house was in their room, and i was cuddling Shredda. After about 10 minutes, i noticed Shredda's neck was bald, next thing i knew her whole head was bald and she had a bird's head with a long vulture-like blue beak. Then she bit me. i manage to yank my finger out without it bleeding. Next thing i know she started peeling flesh from her back with her beak. Fur was flying, but blood wasn't splattering, though her flesh look really raw and pink.

I knew then she was dying, going crazy and in a lot of pain. So i asked my sis (who was living with us, gasp!) and my mum how best to end her life without much suffering. My mum or sis said use a plastic bag to cover her head then chop off her neck so the blood won't splatter all over the place. As I went to get the stuff, i began to burst into tears and I woke up with the vivid image of a vulture-headed Shredda, raw flesh and furry body still in my head. Then I visit the toilet, drank some water and pet the real, healthy, bubbly Shredda. It was 4:05am. My heart rate was still very high as i tried for more than an hour to get back to sleep. I remembered hearing the roadsweeper as I drifted off to slumber.

When i did, i dreamt of Lala and Shru. We're in Tokyo Metro underground and somehow hv to take a different route (orange subway line) to Shinjuku as Shru has too little credit in her transit card for our intended route (pink subway line). As we made our way to the platform, the platform looked like a snake as the train approaches, weaving through. Then my alarm woke me up...

2010 will be a good good year!

2010-01-04T00:47:00.000+08:00

Significant stuff that happened in 2009 (in really bad order):
The Prodigy LIVE! Batam trip with the Batam gang :) Shruti's awesome 21st Birthday Party! I've officially let go of that $ grudge. Birthday celebration with good friends, old and new :) First branded wallet: Kate Spade! Lasik! Trip to India, cried as the plane took off from Kolkata. Went to Ruby Photo after all these years. Took 35mm, 2 rolls. A little closer to Ade as we discover more awesome music through and can talk more about Jesus; praise the Lord! Played Rock Band! Joined Twitter!! Addicted to Twitpic!!! Surprisingly miss Shruti quite a lot; people are missed more when they're not around. Feeling a little distant from Tootsie, as he's absorbed into the white room. Recreated my Ginger Chicken Stew, twice! Threw away a lot of old and some really old clothes; bought many new interesting pieces :P

Did i fulfill my 2009 resolutions??
1. Drink more water - no
2. Learn how to make sambal belachan - no
3. Save money - yes
4. Work smarter (go home at 7pm) - fail terribly
5. Be a nicer commuter - dun want to
6. Stop cracking my knuckles - yes
7. Wake up earlier every morning - no, refer to 4.
8. When 7 is done, squeeze in a jog if i hv enough rest. - no, refer to 7.
9. Prepare dinner every Saturday night cos that's the only time i hv full access to the kitchen. - no
10. Eat more fruits and vegetables. - still at it :)

And now my 2010 new year resolutions:
1. Learn driving.
2. Leave work at 7pm at least twice a week.
3. Shut down at 11pm. Sleep before 1am.
4. Cycle/swim at least once a week.
5. Upload photos within 1 week of said event (sigh...)
6. Repaint room to Olive Green once i get rid of the white shelves.
7. Berlin + Amsterdam, New York, Melbourne, Athens + island-hopping, Maldives (with my new bf?!)
8. Weight check: 58kg!!! BMI: 23.2, not good. Watch less TV.
9. Read more books.
10. Cut down usage of plastic bags, plastic/styrofoam takeaways.
11. Upgrade to iPhone.
12. Be more active in Church.

What's YOUR new year resolutions??