I may have Asperger's Syndrome

I know for a fact that there's something wrong with me at a very young age. There were instances in my childhood. I dunno if it's physical abuse, molestation, trauma of losing a loved one or a combination of all three or more factors. But compared to my classmates and childhood friends, I was definitely the more troubled, angry, clumsy and mischievous child. And these are not temporary, they are consistent.

And my sister calls me a weirdo. I remember there was a time, she started collecting stamps and phonecards. I, on the other hand, collected bus tickets and punch-hole circles.

When I was a teenager, my baby cousin (mother's nephew) was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (AS), the symptoms I recalled sounded like me as a child. The cause? "The most recent research indicates that there are most likely a common group of genes whose variations or deletions make an individual vulnerable to developing AS. This combination of genetic variations or deletions will determine the severity and symptoms for each individual with AS."

Of course, I thought it crazy and dismissed the idea. But as years go by and I learn about other disorders, most recently from the telly, I realise my mum has a problem. It's somewhere between or both OCD and ADHD. My dad and sis agree with me, but out of respect, we dun talk about it. Anyway, we've learnt to live with it.

Well, back to me. Human Stories started showing a documentary about Autism, including AS. So I started thinking about it again and surfed about it. From About.com: The Cambridge Lifespan Asperger Syndrome Service(CLASS), an organization in the United Kingdom that works with adults with Asperger's has developed a simple ten question checklist to help with a preliminary self-diagnosis. If you agree to some or most of these statements, you may decide to find out more.

I find social situations confusing.
Yes. Esp meeting new people. Interviews can give me panick attacks.

I find it hard to make small talk.
Yes. I have since memorised a list of topics and questions.

I did not enjoy imaginative story-writing at school.
Yes at first. But I think TV helped, alot.

I am good at picking up details and facts.
Yes. I could recite John 3:16 at a 3-day "vocational school" camp; 20 yrs later, when my sis was talking about that incident, I recited it again; we were both shocked!

I find it hard to work out what other people are thinking and feeling.
Yes. For one, I found it extremely difficult to console sad/angry people. I learned how by putting myself in their shoes, what I would wanna hear if I was them.

I can focus on certain things for very long periods.
Yes. TV, online surfing, animation...but not work. Animation is not work, lol!

People often say I was rude even when this was not intended.
Yes. I always put it down to the Virgo/Rooster combo though.

I have unusually strong, narrow interests.
Yes. I would go to Kinokuniya just to look at Small Spaces books!

I do certain things in an inflexible, repetitive way.
Maybe. I still walk without stepping on lines, unconsciously until I'm halfway thru the mall.

I have always had difficulty making friends.
Maybe when I was young, until about Sec 3.

This is a high-functioning disorder, meaning you can still function highly on a normal scale. So I'm not terribly worried. I dun wish to be diagnosed properly, afraid I might set boundaries to my abilities. But if there's something I have difficulty doing, at least I might understand why and learn other techniques to overcome it :)

Now let me just get through the interviews for my next job. Oh God, help.