I miss hvg a boyfriend

I'm not okay. Last Friday i took off to hv a massage, my back has been killing me. After that I went looking for a light lunch but the prices are all scary and are full meals. Somehow, my hunger dissipated so I was exploring ION instead. Everything there was so expensively disgusting; i even walked into the opening ceremony of Faber Castell where atas people were drinking champagne.

A little farther down was this Medieval Cottage themed shop. There were many wooden figurines smoking pipes. From the word "Haus" i gathered it was German. But in the centre of it all, was something i hv only conceptualised in my head. So to see it realised was quite surreal. It was a Christmas tree shooting styrofoam beads into the air, like it was snowing. Many years ago, when we had the beanbag filled with these, i used to open the zipper and play with it like it was snow. And because we never had a Christmas tree; mum says it collects dust, just about everything in solid matter does really, so you must understand how Christmas-deprived I was as a child. Anything Christmas-related shown on TV was my only escape.

Dancing Cat was showing me pictures from the Orchard Christmas Light-up. I shrugged cos I know they're just lights. There's no longer Christmas Spirit in Orchard. It's all about getting the dollars and cents now. There are no fairytales, no reindeers, no gingerbread-houses. No candycanes, no snow, no frost, no singing angels. I know these are not very green at all. But do u know u can reuse and repaint these?

When I have my own place, i'll most prob hv half the storeroom filled with Christmas decorations. The other half with fancy boxes and luggage cases. And a giant red bag for the presents; i dun like wrapping paper cos it's v hard to not tear it to reuse it.

Anyway after I left the Haus, i felt v sad. Cos I want nothing in this expensive place, not even a branded bag, they can't beat the cushy simplicity of my Kenneth Cole anyway. I just wanted someone I love to spend the day with, to hug and know he loves me too and wanna spend the rest of his life with me. So, I waited for my colleagues to knock off while reading my beloved Q magazine, Prodigy was on the cover :D. God bless them, they managed to ditch/finish the work to hv dinner with me :)

In the spirit of Christmas; the monsoon's here, so it's Christmas la, the Christmas song from Nat King Cole:

The weekend's too short!

Worked till late on Friday. Vivi's back from Melbourne! Yay! I was feeling lethargic so came down and chat a bit. She going Fly later with Lala and her friends and asked me along. Sure!

When we got there it was supercrowded, we had to wait to get in. I heard it was Cheena, but it was ok. I felt I was in Hong Kong when a Canto song come on, and in Taipei when it was Chinese. The live performers were really good, i can see why this place is quite popular. Unfortunately it was just too crowded, i almost lost my shoe a couple of times and i was wearing flats, my ankles cut by others' heels/shoes. And my big butt got brushed many many times. Some guys just take advantage at the same time, while others jus by accident cos there was really no space.

Lala's friends are dancers. When she told me, I felt more as ease cos they both look like they need a Carl's Jr. And they dance really well of course. Upstairs was a karaoke, some were really bad but one guy sang Jacky Cheung which i thought was really impressive.

Soon we all got tired and went home. I sent Vivi first then got home and KO-ed till 4:45pm! Crap! Was supposed to go cycling to East Coast Park :( Then I checked my hp and Jme smsed me 2 hours ago. Just in time! So I brought her to Jin Wee for Chestnut Chicken. It was simply awesome as always. After dinner, we chilled at Coffee Club :) When i went back to tear more parking coupon, Shaun called. He saw me at the traffic light while driving. I was wearing this Salmon/Pink top that he liked. I cut the call short and finally, the lychee drink was here, divine!

After that got home but there was nothing on cable so went online. My aircon is leaking again...sigh...Then Shaun called for the second time. He said I looked good and as we talked abt work, he was undecided again. I really didnt know what to say. We talked a bit more but it just felt weird. Him being radio-listener, i asked him if he knew this song Vivi and I hv been into lately. And he did! It's Krazy by Pitbull. And apparently I got all the lyrics wrong, haha!

Next week will be hell. Another campaign done in a hurry. I'm so sick of these tight deadlines; we all are. I really feel overworked and I'm so afraid i'll just snap back at my bosses one day. I dun wish to be that person anymore, but i do wish we're more compen$ated for all our diligence and dedication. While the company trip may be fun, it only lasts 3D2N. And most likely, i'll miss Church; Tootsie reminded me. Well, i see if i can catch an earlier ferry.

There are so many things i wanna do tmr.
1. Go cycling - 3h, including shower
2. Have a massage - 3h
3. Go Church -1h
5. Go office and finish some work - 4h.

Wished the weekend was longer. If only we had Monday off.

Pedal! Pedal! Pedal!

Friday I left work early and was super bored. All my friends are either overseas, spending time with their married half/family or still at work. So i had an almost free dinner at Aglio Olio; their Dory Fish Olio is not bad, went home and watched Zathura, lol! It's an unofficial sequel to Jumanji, so it's a great kids movie, heehee...

Saturday i woke up quite late, missing lunch altogether at 3plus. The leftovers didnt look v appetising and I didn't wanna butcher the chicken meant for dinner before everyone else. So i made coffee and had 3 biscuits with oodles of butter! The sky was clear and sunny, great for cycling i thought. So at 4:30pm, i started to get ready: trackpants, sunblock on my face, some water, ipod touch, pouch bag, etc. When i took out the bicycle, the standee was gone! Dad took it off as it was too heavy. "Just lean it against the wall," he said. Yeah, provided i can find a "wall" in East Coast Park.

Off I went, sans standee. It was really lighter, like Dad said. I was feeling ambitious and decided to take on the first slope. Damn! It was tough! When i finally see the rest of the road, i heaved a sigh of relief and felt a great deal of accomplishment. Then I went downhill successfully without stopping! These two slopes i had to dismount and walk the previous time. I finally found Siglap Connector and rode all the way to the underpass. Too lazy to dismount, i rode down the ramp despite the $500 fine screaming at my face...then i almost knocked down a lady. Thankfully, she was unhurt and accepted my apology. I'm so gonna dismount every single time from now on.

East Coast Park at McD side is so FFFFing crowded and added to that, some of these pple can behave like idiots. If you wanna learn in-line skating, please bloody use the footpath. You just dun move like a snail's pace, and i really mean 0.1km/h kinda snail's pace. And then there are these big families who think they own the road by walking my direction of the bicycle path in the opposite direction...aargh!

After 10 mins, I realised I'm the only angry person there and decided to become more tolerant like the other cyclists and in-line skaters who are way more forgiving than i am. So when i got to the crowded Lagoon, I was as calm as the wind. Oh speaking of which, the wind was perfect! My favourite stretch of East Coast Park is really amazing in the evening. From the point after the hawker centre to Bedok Jetty, there are no BBQ pits. You can smell the sweet scent of blooming flowers, the crisp salty sea, the trees so magnificently tall, green, with sunshine in between their leaves and the wind on my cheeks felt so cool and lullaby-like. It was exactly what i described on Shuijing's FB question on what happiness is to me. And I was so so happy.

As I approach Bedok jetty, I couldn't ask for a better song on my iPod Touch. The sun was so bright and golden and the bridge of Keane's You Don't See Me goes:

Such a beautiful view
I guess you've seen it all
But you
You see nothing at all
Such a beautiful view...
Shining so...bright...
Shining so..bright...
So...bright

All moving at the speed of light
Reflecting in each others' eyes
But you're moving with such irresistible speed
You don't see me...

And I was glad it was this new guy that came into my mind:)

I took a little water break then went off again as the sun was setting. And Star Guitar was the next song on shuffle mode. The lyric goes on repeat:

You should feel what i feel
You should take what i take

At this, i wondered abt Shaun if he could feel such happiness in such a simple way. And i sort of feel sad for him. On a few occasions when we couldn't decide what to do for the weekend, I suggested let's cycle at East Coast Park. Each time, it didn't happen.

Before I left the house, I managed to contact Eunice and gave her a quick update. She says the sweetest things la. I think we'll forever be like that but we both wished we can meet more often though. Even back in March when it all seemed fine and dandy, she felt worried for me. She didn't really tell me straight in the face but the questions she ask just get buried at the back of my mind. I just wish I didn't cover up for him so often, maybe then I can truly see what was happening. Oh well...I feel awesome now! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Got home all sweaty and had dinner with my family's dinner gang: The usual quartet + Sis's family + Aunty V and her son, my cousin Joel; her sister Zoey had exams, sigh. Joel has grown so tall now and he's only 15.

Then i had coffee, showered and played game till 4am; oh the scary effects of caffeine! Still, I set my alarm clock at 11am to catch the 12.15pm Mass at OLPS. I got up at 10am instead; i kept thinking abt him and couldn't get back to sleep, lol! Mum and Dad came home a few minutes later and told me abt the charity fair for Philippines, Vietnam and Cambodia. So I got there early and did my bit for charity. At the canteen, I shared the table with some older folks to have me beehoon and ngoh hiang. The ngoh hiang was so good that I went back to wallop another one, with chinchow please. I also gave away the Ice Age 3 plushie set that all my friends didn't want as all their kids have too much toys, even Gillian's! I told the lady she could easily sell it for $20! LOL!

Soon I was all full, warm and fuzzy, so i made my way to the pews and said some prayers before Mass. Only OLPS had given out these booklets last week. Coincidentally, one of the older folks from the canteen table I shared sat beside me. And guess what, our first and middle names shared the same initials! LOL! Madame Joyce Hilda _ is really quite cute la haha! I thought she was about 40 but apparently she has a 22-year-old son! During the Lord's prayer, I held her hand and the foreigner's to my left, i think Filipino. And there was something about this Mass that seemed so different. I think it's the charity fair, it just lifts the human spirit and even nourish the Church, making us greater believers in God that He will set things right for those less unfortunate. Even the sermon was amazing, how we should not attach ourselves too much to our material wealth. And the weekly bulletin explains it well too:

The rich young man in today’s Gospel reading would probably be surprised to discover that his philosophy of life continues to be highly popular today, two thousand years later. He strived to live an upright life. He followed the commandments. He inflicted no harm on others. And yet Jesus rebuked him because he was so attached to his wealth. Despite all his impressive qualities, this man trusted in his possessions more than he trusted in God.

Why did Jesus tell this young man to give away all that he had? Such radical poverty wasn’t part of his regular preaching. He never told Jairus, a well-off synagogue official, to give up his wealth. And he even rebuked his disciples when they suggested that one woman’s gift of expensive perfume should have been sold to help the poor. Jesus’ problem with the young man wasn’t his wealth in itself. It was the way his wealth controlled him.

We all participate in some form of idolatry. It’s part of our fallen nature. We make idols out of money, celebrities, sex, recreation, and work. Jesus message to the rich young man is really a message to all of us. If we want to follow Jesus, we must call him Lord and do the things he commands (Luke 6:46). We must deny ourselves and take up the cross (Mark 8:34). In the end, we are left to wonder whether Jesus really wanted the man to give it all away or if he was just testing him, as God tested Abraham. But we are not left to wonder about Jesus’ goal. He wanted to sanctify this fellow, and for that to happen, the idol of wealth had to go.

Jesus wants to sanctify us as well. This is why we have the Sacrament of Reconciliation. When we confess our idols, we find ourselves closer to Jesus. We hear him assure us that the kingdom of God is ours. And best of all, we see him looking on us with a love that purifies, inspires, and empowers us.

“Jesus, open my eyes to the idols I have set up before you. Lord, I want to
inherit eternal life with you!”

(Reprinted with permission of “The Word Among Us” issue date October 2009)

After that I took bus #2 and almost had an accident on the double-decker staircase. The bus accelerated too fast while i was still climbing up the stairs. Luckily my left hand had a good grip but my right arm flung out and hit something, making my last two fingers sore and the back of my hand got scratched but didnt bleed. It was terrifying! Some stupid PRC sitting upstairs made stupid comment like "eh, dun scare me leh, dun die here leh..." Oh wow, that's so comforting huh...

At Bugis, i went to Intercontinental Hotel to walk walk see see. I really like this hotel with all the Asian and Peranakan ornaments. My sis got married at the Ballroom Vault about a decade ago. I walked upstairs and saw a guy laying out the tables for the next wedding. I asked if i could see inside the Main Ballroom and he showed me the door. It was so beautifully white. Maybe because the flower decorations were not set up yet. The 34 tables look a little crowded. But the ballroom was squarish, so you will be able to see everyone from the stage. The cocktail area has a little hall too, in fact it looked like a chapel. Maybe the tea ceremony will take place here :)

Then i went shopping again and almost bought an $80 (U.P. $110) dress from Esprit! It was very Joss-Stone-Bohemian but it will look odd if i had short hair. And already the dresses i have are so under-utilised. So i bid it goodbye. When i went downstairs for coffee, i spotted a sunglasses shop and tried on a few pairs. I settled my eyes on two: a brown Ray Bans and a brown with gold emblem Gucci. After discount, the former costs $230 and the latter $290...my budget's $200 only :( The offer is till the end of the month, so hopefully, i can get Ade's opinion on this:) Though i hv a feeling she'll jus smack me! LOL!

Home and bothered still...sigh... Did some laundry just now and gonna stone the rest of the evening. All ready for the Monday blues...till next weekend, ta-taaa!!!

Jesus loves you!

Flight ticket? $500

Visa? $59

Going Kolkata to visit the Himalayas and Missionaries of Charities with Shru & family for 10 days? Priceless!

I'm so happy this is finally happening! And i'm gonna bring my Nikon FE10 with me. Most probably to shoot in colour and the digital one for night shots :P

I'm quite done with my Italy phase. All the Italian food and OT_T has made me a little rounder than I desired. We had McD for dinner just now. Shru asked how can i still hv McWings after watching Food Inc? I'm jus hungry, stressed and wanna have junk food. Let's just say there is a big deadline abt 14 days away and I will be briefed on it tmr.

When I got home, I felt pretty fat from the McD, psychologically. So I did some weight exercises. Now energised, i can't sleep.

I keep thinking about a particular someone right now. It's funny how it all started. So I find it frightening to ask him out. Let's just say it's been many years since I tried to get to know a new guy so i'm v rough around the edges. I dun even know how to ask him out. Yeah there is another side of me...the girl side. I'm so scared i'll screw up. It's not that i'm not confident; i'm afraid we dun hv much in common and we'll jus be sitting in silence lol!

I've picked up my bad habit again. Not v proud of it at all. Will try and get out of it after the November deadlines. Wouldn't be so nice in front of Shru's family. And i do wanna taste all the foods and smell all the fresh air! I'm like so quite ecstatic, yeah?! HAHA!

After India, I will also finally hv time to sign up for driving. Seems like all those female mags i've been reading hv paid off. Those how to get over a break-up articles :P

1. Change your look
I can't cut my hair because i'm saving it for wigsforkids.com. That's 12 inches of untreated hair in progress. And my old glasses were too perfect to be replaced. So I did Lasik and hvnt looked back since! Thanks to Jme for being there for me, fetching me home after the operation. Come to think of it, i hvnt properly thank her...hmm...better make plans soon.

2. Keep yourself occupied or pick up an old/new hobby
Yes. A lot of work. And more time for my bunnies!!!

3. Pamper yourself
The Italian food was so rewarding. And I've also done alot of retail therapy. But i've balanced it out by taking my friend, Val's advice and started an investment/savings account with Stanchart :) Got a free luggage bag and a PSP! The latter akan datang and selling it to my friend, at cheaper price of cos! And i'm not shopping from now till i get to India, followed by post-Christmas sale! Last weekend, spent $188 on Esprit alone; so not funny.

4. Do something out of the ordinary
I went cycling one lovely Saturday evening, from home to Frankel Ave, just to hv Swiss Baeckerie's cheese twist and cream of tomato soup. Then I cycled home and have dinner lol! But it was so fun. Wanna go cycling again this weekend, heehee!

5. Pray.
I've went back to Mass every Sunday at least. During my earlier sickly days, I've also been saying this healing prayer. It's more meant for critically ill people, but i think it's a really beautiful prayer for anyone in need of healing:

The Total Healing Prayer
Father God, thank you for your unconditional love, for sending Jesus to save me and to set me free. I surrender myself to your power and grace to sustain and restore me. Loving Father, touch me now with Jesus healing hands as I believe that your will is for me to be well in mind, body and spirit.

Cover me with the most precious blood of Jesus from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. Cast out anything that should not be in me. Root out any unhealthy and abnormal cells and multiply the healthy ones. Open any blocked arteries or veins, rebuild and replenish any damaged areas. Remove all inflammation and cleanse any infection by the power of Jesus precious blood.

Let the fire of your healing love pass through my entire body enriching its function. Touch also my mind and my emotions even the deepest recesses of my heart. Saturate my whole being with your presence, joy and peace and draw me ever closer to you every moment of my life, confirming that the Holy Spirit dwells in me, telling me what to do.

Amen.

It takes less than 5 mins to recite it. And I did so for several days, every morning, haven't fallen ill since. Oh, i picked it up when i walked to OLPS in the previous blog post, these prayer cards were scattered on a shelf outside the Adoration Room. Somehow, Jesus knew; He always does. I feel so blessed to have known Him, to be His friend, esp each time He reveals himself in such ways. It's a miracle. And i owe it all to Him.

While many people think praying should be number one, I admit it's really difficult to pray when u're angry with Him. We're only human; it took me a while to reconcile with God, with Jesus. And if you're not ready, take your time. God is always ready to forgive you, but first you hv to begin to forgive yourself and forgive the other party. Then you will truly feel God has forgiven you and He will soften your heart to better forgive yourself and better forgive the other. I can't explain it otherwise. Only when your heart is healed can you let love again :)

Ok all these mushy I Love Jesus is making me all warm, fuzzy and sleepy. Good night and God bless all of you, esp the little ones.

Home-cooked bento lunch today

Work has been rough lately. I forgot to have my dinner last night during OT_T. By the time it was 9pm, i had zero energy to grab a bite; was more in need of a bed with a man to hug me. Yeah hug only la, haha!

When I finally got home, it was almost 12am. And i suddenly felt like cooking. It's therapeutic. I was curious about my microwave oven's capabilities, so i tried to cook rice with it, using the casserole function and it worked! While it was cooking, i stole some cabbage and carrot from the family chiller and fried it with olive oil and garlic. The garlic smelt so good that i completely forgot about adding the egg! Haha!

And when i was done, i felt so energised and accomplished that i wasn't hungry anymore. So i looked for this thermos combo my sis gave me several years ago. Found it, washed the two containers, dried them with a towel and filled them with me rice and cabbage. Decided to have them for lunch the next day.

So today, i opened sesame...



After 12 hours, it's not warm but not very cold either. The cabbage was a little bitter last night, but now it's all sweet and still crunchy :) And the rice is less wet. I just love the yummy caramelised garlic. My mum tends to leave them raw. And i'm actually full! Ok maybe just need a coffee now :P Will definitely do this again!

Sick in the heart

This morning I went to see the doctor. She says i may hv stomach flu. But i'm craving for fruits alot, mainly rock-melon. My dizziness and lethargy was really bad, i had to walk down the staircase one step at a time to keep from losing any balance. She says that's low blood sugar as i hvnt had breakfast. Even a bottle of 100plus will do. I mentioned I was hvg prata (it's the only edible thing within walking distance) later but she objected.

I left the clinic and bought me water, only 40 cents at neighbourhood provision shop and Lemon1000, a whopping $1.80 from 7-11, anyway it's better than 100plus. Then i took a cab to Frankel for Teochew mueh but the food was so salty and the beancurd tasted weird. Everything left half-done, i was just glad it only costs $2.70.

I took a long, perspiring walk to OLPS for some spiritual healing. I told Him I was sick of this sickness. He told me everything that has happened has already happened, let go. He knows I've done everything to the best of my knowledge and that I should only care about myself for now. I told him I'll sit with Him for an hour (ipod says 12:39) but He says I didn't have to, the air-con is not good for me. I left after some time when the air-con made me shiver. Then i took a cab home. Took a bath, drop plenty of hair, read a few pages and slept, no nightmares for once.

Not so long ago, i remember reading about disease. Disease in a nutshell is dis-ease. Anything your body does not feel comfortable with is a dis-ease. Of course this means everyone is dis-eased. But i think people really fall sick when they are greatly dis-eased.

For me, i've been sick in the heart since June. And it came to an end one rainy night. I didn't want anyone to feel sorry for me or take pity on me. So i've only told my closest friends when i had the chance. I particularly didnt tell my colleagues bcos i see them everyday, bcos i might be tempted to talk abt it everyday and make everyone feel down or angry.

I'm reading two books to help me through this. It was intuitive i guess. I was buying NME (27 June 2009 issue with Blur on the cover) at HMV and spotted The Diary of Anne Frank. It's a 60th anniversary edition with previously unreleased texts. The offer was 2 for $18, so i needed to get another one. I found myself looking at Eat Pray Love which i then recalled the writer was on Oprah.

Anne Frank brought me back to the days when i was a child. All the great anxieties i had at her age and later on came back to me. How I cared so much that my teachers and classmates hated me or found me a nuisance. Though i'm less of a flirt than she is. My heart melted when she fell in love yet feeling so unsatisfied at the same time. She must hv thought abt him so much when in the camp, her heart and body gave up when her sister passed away days before she did. I can only imagine her father's sadness (he's the sole survivor) when he read her diary after the war. May her soul rest in peace.

Eat Pray Love is the kinda book I thought was ok at first, but gave me everything i needed. In a nutshell, it's a woman who was so troubled by her marriage that she ended up crying many times, curled up on her bathroom floor. When it ended and the divorce proceedings were too difficult, she found solace in a younger man only for it to be short-lived. So she decided to travel. As she was already a writer, it took little to convince her publishers to give her an advance; she was broke. So it's 4 months each in Italy, India and Indonesia.

So i'm embarking one on my own, not necessarily to Eat Pray Love, but along the same lines. Great health is something i prefer to restore. I ran a 10-kilometre marathon around this time last year so you can imagine how healthy i should be. According to a healer in the book, the cure for broken heart: "Vitamin E, get much sleep, drink much water, travel to a place far away from the person you loved, meditate and teach your heart that this is destiny."

So Vancouver, Texas, Colorado and Tokyo is out. Amsterdam would hv been nice but it's not the safest place and it's much nicer in the summer. Greece (Athens & Crete Island) just seems too expensive and I rather go there with Eunice. Shru who is going home for a great 50 days mentioned that she will be visiting the mountains. So i asked if i could come along. Gangtok is really close to Tibet and I can visit the church where Mother Teresa served. I've been wanting to visit India since I caught Steve McCurry's exhibition and the movie, Outsourced. Tootsie says I should be a nun there, dun come back, I can just mail them my resignation letter. He's funny like that.

My new maid, Tri, cooked a fantastic soup this evening. It's chicken-base, with wolfberries, dates, white carrot, carrot and coriander. I used to hate wolfberries as a child but now I simply love it! The soup was really sweet and therapeutic. Then I caught a coming-of-age movie called Rocket Science. The movie reminds me of my stammering days. I still do that once in a while, but more so on MSN.

Anyway i'm gonna research on Vitamin-E rich foods, which hopefully is not just chili, cos my throat can't take it. And have some rest.

Intervention is one of my favourite programmes, but why?

Oops i'm back! I'm like the most energetic sick person right now. Maybe it's jus really strong antibiotics. But really, despite hvg 2 roti pratas for brunch, my first dose of double antibiotics (the other is protogyn, sort of a get-well-soon catalyst) and sucked on 1 pill of Trachisan, my painful throat is a lot better now.

So i was catching Intervention. It's prob on cable but i dun hv that channel. So i catch it on youtube. And i really can watch it back to back. After catching 2 on alcoholism and another one now on pill-addiction, it suddenly dawned on me that why do i like watching these programmes.

And for a good 10 minutes, i just sat there in front of my laptop while Part 1 is on pause. The first alcoholism episode i watched reminded me of my mum. She dun believe me when i really tell her the truth. Or sometimes when i'm hiding something, she does not bother to question me. I told her about it recently, after 18 years, and she says she can't remember. I'm over it now so I dun mind sharing it here but back when i was 10, it affected me alot.

Hvg both parents working is not the best of both worlds, i used to think it is until that year when i was 10. My childhood is filled with childcare centres and secondary caregivers, both family and outside paid help. So this community centre for schoolkids on vacation is no exception. I can still rem that 11 year old boy's face and there were 2 other kids, a boy and a girl. We're abt 10-12 so we hung out together. After a few weeks, one day while playing, he touched me and it wasn't an accident though it was just a few seconds. He was shocked by my reaction and tried to play it down which means he's saying that's acceptable behaviour. I can still rem I was holding onto a 5B textbook with purple and brown stripes.

I went home as early as I could and didn't wanna go back. I think my life changed alot since. Being the first cohort of P4 streaming means we go to a different class in Primary 5 and I hated that. I missed my friends. One of them dun even talked to me anymore, and when we went to the same class in P6, she just wasn't the same person. Later in poly, we met each other and we chat a bit but we were very much apart. I liked that she recall we once shared the same bowl of noodles. That really made us chuckle!

Although it's not exactly that I told my mum the truth and she didn't believe me, i knew her well enough that if i told her, she won't believe me. When i was in poly i think, we discussed about rape, and it confirmed my gut feeling. Back then, she said, if a girl wore a mini-skirt in the middle of the night and got raped, it was the girl's fault. Thankfully, she's alot more open-minded now.

The second episode was this mother who didn't believe in her daughter to make it to college because she's too pretty. Of course it didn't help that she brought her up teaching her that she needs a man to have a life. After 3 unhappy marriages and having 3 children from 3 different fathers, this same daughter now at 49, is an alcoholic. Why? Her fourth husband was a party animal. He had loads of personality but he made her give up her own business (ironically, it's in matchmaking) so they could spend more time together, mostly partying and getting piss-drunk. He died six months ago due to alcoholism complications, so with depression, those last six months made her alcohol-dependency much worse.

Shaun is a self-confessed party animal. I'm not saying my life will take this wrong turn, but i do realise, it's an uphill task to change a man, esp if it's for the better. I tried so hard to convince him to change himself that I'm so tired. Then one day something happened and he says he will change. I dunno how long this will last this time.

Okay I think I like watching Intervention because not only do I see the consequences of me gone wild (which trust me, i can be), I also liked that they all got better in the end. It's almost like being reborn. And I like that people are happy, they're glowing and really lead better lives after they're rid of their addiction and how they trust themselves and their loved one to hv to keep away from thinking about it every single day onwards. Maybe because I'm rather unhappy with mine and I so wanna believe I can be a very happy person all the time (without alcohol, drugs and cigarettes) that I actually enjoy watching this programme.

Ok back to this episode on pill-addiction. Ciao!

Damn you, Tonsillitis!

I'm on MC A. G. A-I-N!!! (youtube Blur's Bank Holiday if u dun get what i mean :P)

This time it's tonsillitis. 1.5 weeks ago was phlegm, flu and H1N1 apparently. Frankly, i think she didn't prescribe me well the last time. She should hv given me Inoflox/Ofcin instead of Cephalexin which also treats the bacteria but the former is stronger. But being the best and female doctor within the vincinity, i decided not to bring it up.

Anyway i really need an overhaul of my lifestyle. She still say i dun sleep enough because my immune system is so weak. And suggest a tonsilectomy ($4,000 operation) again. So i hope my new lacto-vegetarian diet on working days will help. She also warn me not to exercise but i feel so lethargic all the time. Of course i can simply break off with Shaun and sleep better, but seriously, that would be breaking off for the wrong reasons. That bugger can still ask me how come i can't sleep.

Listening to Turbo now, haha! 1995 CD haha!! Really brings back memories :)

Anyway if i fall sick again, i'm so definitely seeing Lala's TCM doctor. Her sms contact still in my phone :) At times like these i really feel like i'm getting old :( Meanwhile i resolve not to take MC for the rest of the year! There isn't much left anyway. If i'm taking it, it's for Lasik manz...at $2,000 now, it's so tempting! My colleague Florence and Gillian, my orange friend just went thru it some weeks ago. The former recovered really fast, compared to Tootsie. Hvnt met Gillian since. She seems really down at work and at home. I sincerely pray that things get better for her.

As if juggling work and 2 kids is not enough, her husband is staying home to look after the kids and do not intend to look for another job. Right from the start, i admit i didn't like him and didn't approve of their relationship. After they got married, things got worse...after the second kid, it got a little better but Gillian is so tired and bored after all these years, i really hope things get better for them through more of his initiative. We had a 20min phonecall ytd evening. She asked me what did i imagine her life to be like now and for a long while i couldn't answer because her life today is so different compared to 10 years ago (OMG, it's been more than 10 years!). But thinking now, i would probably picture her with an angmoh guy and has a PR job that allows her to travel. She's no SPG but the carefree lifestyle, meet new people, is really what she loves. I think the best days of her life so far was doing Cirque du Soleil. Not once did she ever complain abt it. And she made a few great friends there.

Ok i'm going to read my book now. I'm so NOT gonna sleep the day away. It's a bloody waste of time. Anyway i'm only on 2 antibiotics and Trachisan (lozenges) so won't be feeling sleepy. Maybe a short 1-hour nap when ASS (Afternoon Sleep Syndrome as heard from Littlefat) kicks in :P You guys hang in there at work. See ya tmr :)

Happy Day

I was really restless today. This morning, during our weekly meeting, I was swinging back and forth. Went toilet, came back, and still swinging a bit.

Lunch was fun! We had prawn mee, Maydaygal joined us today which was kinda refreshing. Then we got stuck in the drizzle that became a pour. We spotted Eevaal who was hvg her lunch alone, so we beckoned her to join us since we're stuck anyways. She posted a video on FB recently which we all "liked". And then she shared with us her mountain story. It was hilarious, but really, it was an excruciating, never-again experience for her. We then went back to office together just 15 minutes late. On the way, i got me a capucino. The foam was strong in this one. I poured me brown sugar crystals and it didn't sink for a good 5 minutes. I got impatient and stirred it in, ruining the sturdy foam texture.

Then i felt like watching a movie. And since there wasn't much to be done, I left early for some me time. I caught Food, Inc. alone which was ok cos not many people share my enthusiasm the same way. The motion graphics were really good. And the documentary was well planned. Proper intro, proper pacing, ok ending. I also like the various American accents.

*Plot giveaway.

Basically Food, Inc. tries to answer this question of where my meat comes from. There were some stuff i already knew. They started with the chickens while i was munching away on Cedele's rosemary chicken sandwich. The chicks were marked and shoved into an area, density abt less than a square foot per chick. In 49 days (70 days back in the 50s), they'll hv corn and water and shit in the same area until the grabbers come to gather them and throw them into cages like the ones used in China fur farms. It's easy to catch them because they're double the size they should be. This farmer was the only one that allowed the crew to shoot her farm. Sadly, her open-air chicken farm was compromised because she didnt wanna "upgrade" it to a tunnel one. It was considered a breach of contract. These upgrades are not free. They calculated two chicken houses cost $500,000 but the farmer only earns $18,000 a year.

Then we get to cattle and pigs which are subjected to knee-high manure for long periods of time. And they are fed on corn! I didnt know that. Apparently corn is not suitable for them. Cows eat grass and pigs need variety and are omnivores. Because corn is sweet and mostly carbo, they get overweight real fast too. And they also get hormones like the chickens. In contrast, they interviewed a free-range farmer and how he operates his farm like it should be. Cattle were grazing on pastures, there were at most 200 of them not like the 2,000-cattle animal factory we saw via aerial view. While grazing, cattle do their business, so there is no need to shovel manure, and in turn it fertilises the pastures; the way nature is. There is no need to ferry corn for hundreds of miles. That's why when petrol prices went up, food prices went up too. He also reared pigs, even played with them. And these pigs look so healthy and happy, their belly is a small curve, way above the knee.

The worst thing is the food-associated govt officials were all former employees or partners with these 4 big companies. These big 4 used to control only 25% of the industry in the 50s, today they control 80%. Thankfully, the organic industry is growing 20% each year. Even Walmart has created an organic section because consumers' opinion is shifting :) So, do ur part k...we hv a voice!

And do you know how these animal factories started?? It all started with 1 particular chain of fast-food restaurants, that Mcga big one. They wanted to maximise profits by reducing the cost of raw-materials. They also streamlined their kitchen like a factory. So workers dun need much skills, can be paid minimum-wage, basically exploited. And because the govt subsidises so much of their farming, most corn products are sold below cost price. Which means a Mexican farmer can grow 10 corns but the American farmer with mechanical technology and gm-seeds can grow 20 corns and be subsidised 25% for example. So the Mexican farmer earns $10 while the American farmer earns $25. This caused many Mexican farmers to go jobless and the big 4 started recruiting them to work in the animal factories. The biggest slaughterhouse processes 32,000 pigs a day! And not all of the workers wear masks. When too many Mexicans come over, they are rounded up, abt a dozen everyday, because the big 4 made a pact with the immigration side. So these workers who hv slaved to process our meat ends up worse.

Feeding corn to cattle apparently cause the bacteria E.Coli to manifest internally. To kill the E.Coli bacteria, they process the meat in ammonia. An alternative was to feed the cattle with grass for 5 days; it apparently clears up 80% of the E.Coli. But it's not cost-efficient i guess.

Anyway this movie has inspired me alot. I have a new goal: to be lacto-vegetarian from Mondays to Fridays :) Wish me luck!

---

After the movie, i went to M & S and finally found a pair of black trousers. It's on sale, a roomy size 12 and short; no need alteration. I feel so lucky :D The last time I had one like this was 2004 until it got caught in a bicycle and tore.

Then I went to the Shoes section. There were slip-on sandals but they looked tacky and cost a whopping $120! Then i went to the food section and got me vegetarian can soups. I dunno abt UK but it's better to play safe.

On the way back, i met Coobrue client, but she didnt recognise me la. She looked healthy and happy :)

Okay me gonna clean the bunnies now and sleep soon after that. Night night.